Fantasy

An Actor gets another Role

/ Norman Eric Peterson / Leave a comment

I have always been an actor. It’s my nature to behave as though I were someone else. More clever, Experienced, or just dangerous. More akin to a chameleon. Whatever the surroundings demanded,

I made use of it. Often, just for fun. Very seldom, to save my life. My son, in the photo, acts too. He picked up the habit from me. Acting as a well dressed English man at a hotel in Kansas, just for laughs at my son’s wedding just next door. We all act really. As it is said, some of us are very badly rehearsed. I asked at the desk if there was a coffee shop nearby. I was directed and my perfect Peter Sellers accent was believed.

There were several times that I had to be someone else to survive. That time in Oakland when I was playing outside a Safeway grocery with my guitar case open for spare change. A passable country blues player by this time, I made enough money for food and fuel for my house I built in a truck bed. There was change and even a couple bills in the case when a large man approached face on to me and declared: “What you gonna do if I take that guitar?” Menacing. Big, especially if you are sitting on the sidewalk looking up at him. The guitar was a fairly new Martin D28 which I had purchased right after my two tours in the Mediterranean. $400. I casually replied: “well, I’ll just fight you for it till one of us dies” Staring into each other, eyeballs to eyeballs for an interminable time. The would be thief was not used to this calm behavior from a potential victim. I said that. I also meant it. The guitar was my life line to a can of Dinty Moore stew and a bridge toll to get to the ocean. Not to mention gas for the truck. No one moved, no one sweated. The big guy finally said, “ That’s cool” and spun around and walked away. Another acting role success for me.

The would be thieves across the street from my house, coming out the window seeing me, standing with that Luger, calmly. They left. I was not going to shoot them of course, the pistol wasn’t even loaded. Murder though, according to scripture. Not my proudest moment. They were just looking for their forgotten keys. Unknown house guests of my neighbor. They thanked me for looking out for them, but were wary and distant because of how I did it. I thought it was OK. The actor gets a bad role.

In Italy I confronted a policeman as street kid (wasn’t too hard for the costume department as I had been living on the street for a month) I knew the cops were looking for him, so approached the  Carabinieri and in his best street urchin from Naples dialect, asked directions to Trevi Fountain. I knew it was a half a block away. Not fitting nor smelling like an escaped top secret military man, the cop gave me simple directions. After a brief “Grazie” (dropping the last vowel) the cop said disdainfully’ “Napolitan” Whew, that was close! Joining the other urchins in a sub basement catacomb, they all pitched in their begging money and gave it to Pino for his birthday and he ran out and returned with pizza’s and wine. He spent all of the money for a party for us. I never forgot that. Brotherhood of the lowest of the low down citizens in Rome.

The toughest acting was when I had to tell a plausible lie to evade arrest by a Federal agency when I was mistaken for a man I used to work for. It was awkward and is a long story. It came out ok and it was a ‘think fast’ situation. They went away and I left that person’s house shortly thereafter. It was a setup from the man I knew and I turned the tables on him. It was a good thing the house was not searched and that’s another story as well. The man they were looking for had used my military and radio skill set to smuggle heroin. It’s a somewhat long story. I knew the agents figure there was a connection and I put on an angry face and told them that man had stolen my girl and left the country. They went away and I was not brought in for ‘questioning’ I decided to leave that acquaintances house that was on vacation. When they came back there was a kerfuffle, and I was persona Non grata. Better than the other choice.

There were other times I had to act to save my life. It was second nature by now, I was and am a pretty good actor. I believe it is a method of acting. That role I played was a time that I and Bruce, a Vietnam vet, bluffed some bullies down in Kansas with two tent poles held underarm that with the metal ferrules only visible, looked like ‘shotguns’ Stuff like that.

I even acted at the Frederic log cabin as an old warrior, now retired as an inn keeper. It was a film set in the middle ages for a Russian film maker. Acting, it’s natural and scary at the same time. I thank my Savior for that skill that has saved my life so many times so I can write about Him. Jesus, He’s pretty good. Jack Gator

Photo courtesy of my son’s portrayal of a secret agent on our hill in winter. Chip off the old block

Lobbyist In Oz

/ Norman Eric Peterson / Leave a comment

And there he was for Dorothy to discover, the man behind the curtain. Pay no attention to him but how could she ignore the blustering sounds? The thundering and loud voice, sending out many thousands of oversize postcards that were so slick that other mail slipped over it. Going to the mailbox for real information was difficult as the lobbyist’s large glossy mailings were in the way. She saw her attention was drawn to the fearful words written in Red or Blue.

She felt she was dreaming when the source of confusion and fear came into view. Pay no attention indeed. As though she can pay no attention to the wind.

There was a battle going on for Oz and it was hard to tell friend from foe.

She met new friends and they were very odd and in many ways, just like her. There was a tough guy that she knew had no heart for the battle and the thunder coming from the Lobbyist. He was very shiny but weak as tin foil.

There was a very peaceful man that also appeared tough in a softer way but confessed he had no courage for battle of any kind. He appeared to be a huge orange cat and roared instead of purring. He was very furry and gentle.

The third one was very odd and actually was trying to be scary! A scarecrow that stood among them all and waved arms of straw and obviously had no brains whatever. The scarecrow made no sense but kept up the behavior nonetheless. The scarecrow seemed friendly enough and had a big smile and with lot’s of laughter but was hard to understand as it kept repeating words. It said a lot of unkind things about Oz and everyone who lived there too.

As Wallace and his dog would say, “no use prevaricating about it” The lion was very tired of the scarecrow and all the lobbying that ‘shouted’ to listen to the laughter. He had enough, and found enough courage to tell the scarecrow to stop waving arms and laughing at him. He pushed back and the scarecrow toppled over rather quickly.

Astonished, the Tin foil man and the huge cat looked where the scarecrow had stood and there was nothing left but what appeared to be blue pants and a blue suit coat with the straw whispering around it. The straw blew away and the gust of wind that brought Dorothy to Oz now awakened her when her red slippers fell and made a loud sound when they came together next to her bed.

It was quite a dream and somehow, she felt it was also a part of her life. Things have never been the same since. It’s pretty good. Jack Gator Scribe Esq.

Warranty

/ Norman Eric Peterson / Leave a comment

We have all been there, done that and almost given up on it. I know I had a ten year warranty on that leaf-blower! Oh dear, I will look in my pile over on the desk, OK? Otherwise we can look on line. Could you get me the serial number? When did we get it and is there a model number on it?

Paperwork, endless claims sent to claims department where the phones are manned by well meaning people who don’t speak your language very well. An insurance claim has the same rigmarole with hidden clauses of abuse of product or subparagraph B. which states you have no claim if you are living in one of the following states: A state of exhaustion, bewilderment or confusion. Of course the warranty is a lifetime one, but whose lifetime is tit?

There is one warranty query that comes up often, throughout the world and the forms are quite direct and to the point. I wanted to check and make sure the warranty was OK so I inquired the maker. Name and model number. Norman Peterson, Human. Serial number, XY. Date warranty was issued, December 1970. Regular maintenance performed? Yes.

Amazingly, the warranty contract forms were issued about 1960 years ago and are still solid and in effect for anyone that ‘fills out the form’! You can find the warranty in books, on line or in small pamphlets often found in nightstands in hotel rooms. Your contract can start at any time. Payment for this all inclusive contract is to completely follow the maker’s instructions. Give up all thoughts and actions and give those things up to the manufacturer. He will gently give you directions on how to do so. This is not the fine print at the bottom, it has to be read over and over and there are supplemental readings that can help and assist you. There are also offices throughout the land where you can get encouragement and help.

The forms are more specific in the last chapters of the book which spell out the terms and conditions. They seem rather difficult the first time you read or hear about them. Complete and utter surrender of all assets, life holdings and your life itself! No other payment required.

You have probably guessed by now who honors the warranty. It’s pretty good actually, your make and model are warranted forever. Eternity. Actually your old model gets a complete overhaul and is made perfect when you die. It will be good, feels right and the warranty is now eternal. If you understand what eternity is. The best I have read is a parable about pinwheels!

Spin one with all the colors and it will look white. Spin one with past, present and future and they will all look the same too. It’s a package deal. You also get to read a book that no one on earth has ever read! Every chapter is better than the one before.

I haven’t a clue. I’ve tried to understand a place with no time and filled with incredible beauty. And us. Would you care to view the warranty and guarantee? Let me know, I’ll help as best that I can.

It’s pretty good, Norm Peterson / Jack Gator

Inconvenience Store

/ Norman Eric Peterson / Leave a comment

They seem to be popping up everywhere. In the garden even, inconvenient plants with pretty blue flowers that creep along the ground and invade your strawberry beds and choke out those tender flowers that are usually in the middle of the garden.

You know them, we all do and it’s very inconvenient to remove them and all their offshoots.The dandelions that are relatives and show up at the same time. Akin to the neighbors that come over a lot and want to borrow your chainsaw so they can break it for you.

You are supposed to love those people, really, it’s the actual words of our leader and the man who was God on this planet. A very difficult thing to do. To love these people. Well, he did tell us about the weeds and the good crops but People are not weeds, but often they feel like them unless I am one on the highway. Causing other hurrying ones to point their long leaves at me they grow faster on by me.

I began to wonder about a store that sold all inconvenient things. They too are everywhere and are popping up like dandelions in your neighborhood.

Outside of town and very prominent, lots of them now. They sell many things you really don’t need but it is inexpensive (another word with the prefix of ‘In’) Before you even enter, there is a machine that dispenses movies you won’t enjoy. Monsters destroying things like cities or the world. Heroic men that survive danger to kill the inconvenient people in their lives.

Inside the store (which has an odor of soap you would never buy or use) are things to buy that are not easily obtained without driving a great distance from your small town. Left handed chewing gum and cross threaded light bulbs. A plethora of baked goods that have labels not quite big enough to list poison ingredients and taste bad. Bread that squashes when you grab it.

Clothing that will not fit and as mentioned before a whole aisle of soaps that you would not even want to put in your car for the drive home. The list goes on, but it is convenient to get these things because those stores are close by, Everywhere. They all look the same and are lit like airport runways as another convenient light source for their neighboring homes.

The list is long. Alarm clocks that always slow down ten minutes so your job becomes inconvenient for human resource departments. The help all have respiratory problems, as to be expected. Most of them do know where everything is by aisle and within them. I try to imagine myself, just out of high school in a small town and working the cash register nights. I remember my first job when I was in high school and it was a breeze compared to this work.

Our world is filled with inconvenient things, troublesome things but as an old friend sang, “old and in the way, they will never care about you because your old and in the way” We are not dandelions and we are precious, every one of us. I know this now because my Savior tells me so. He made me and you and loves us all and our creator bought us at a very great price. Not Very convenient to everyone and valued no matter where we are on the shelf of life. It’s pretty good. Norm Peterson / Jack Gator.

We are in Control and it’s all Your Fault

/ Norman Eric Peterson / Leave a comment

It’s easier to put the blame on somebody than admit that we have not the slightest idea what is ‘going on’ and why so many things have been going wrong. The term used to be ‘have gone south’ but then I would be accused of some sort of prejudice to say so. I have moved north of highway 8 so that seems to be the right direction. (NW Wisconsin wisdom)

Whether it is the weather which now we think we can control or people’s thoughts we can control and demand they be changed, it is indeed the theater of the absurd.

“It’s the fault of all those people that are using their bread toasters too much!” Or, “It’s your fault for going to work in a selfish way” Take the bus!! Drive an electric vehicle!” I would perhaps if the bus was not being driven by someone else. I have a difficult time already getting enough batteries for my flashlights and garage door remotes. I have heard that rechargeable batteries are the answer if you have enough extra power to fill them up. Can you even imagine a small rural homestead with three or four people with electric cars and one charger? The experts tell us it can be done! There is enough wind and hot air coming from the District of Columbia to power windmills. The experts tell us it must be done.

Somewhere an electric chair is waiting at Amazon. There are many experts for anything you can imagine or anything they can imagine. They tell us what is what and who is who and the world is packed to overflowing with them. Of course in English, ‘Pert’ refers to someone that goes boldly forward in speech and behavior. I would then assume that an expert used to do so but now goes backwards? To go boldly backwards to where so many mistakes have been made and to go where everyone has gone before. An expert on the Enterprise of fools.

I, for one, have had quite enough of backwards thinking or worse, Sometimes shouted, often just quoted by an old expert. The old classic folk song, “If I had a hammer” Indeed, hammer in the morning making handles for wood signs explaining why all the shouting and demanding everyone change society and thought. It reminds of the Vogon guard in the Guide to the Galaxy that really liked the shouting part.

It’s satisfying to be self righteous but of course, it is impossible to make yourself righteous. Only one man showed us how to be righteous and it wasn’t riots and shouting. You know the man I speak of. It is said; with age comes wisdom but often just age shows up. Stop, look and listen to our Creator. He knows everything and He’s Perty good. Jack Gator.

With a wag of the gator tail to Douglass Adams

The S & G Realty in Sodom (known as Lot’s Lots)

/ Norman Eric Peterson / Leave a comment

“Have you seen the ad? Forty acres with a farm and a good well! Dug by Jacob’s Water Worx!, only 400 thousand and it’s fenced! Good water”

I have it on good account that the reality was owned by old Lot and his wife was running it. Business was brisk and sales were definitely up. People were streaming in because the listings were somewhat affordable and life was easier there too. Actually, life there was steaming hot and there were no laws against red light districts. Good restaurants and night life along with friendly neighborhoods that weren’t so judgmental.

It was the new age of Dionysian life we have all dreamed about. No more morals, no more books, no more preacher’s dirty looks!

Lot’s S & G reality came upon some real hard times and the city it was in did not fare well. It was destroyed utterly according to the Smithsonian by an exploding meteorite at two and a half miles above. It caused winds of up to 740 miles per hour and hot sulfur from the explosion destroyed what was left of the two cities. (Sodom and Gomorrah)

There were several branch offices in those two towns and they did not fare well either. No one lives there now. Recent archaeological digs have turned up some corroborating facts, somewhat, about the disaster. There are not any documents from those cities that have been discovered either. One old S & G reality sign was said to be jammed into the salt sea which is quite a ways away. The winds aloft perhaps put it there.

There was mentioned in the Smithsonian magazine a curious fact: A large deposit of salt has been discovered among the ruins of those 2 cities.

Lot’s wife was very concerned about the realty franchises when she and Lot ran for their lives. History from a very old book of the Bible (Chapter 1) tells of her fate. She paused, turned and looked upon the devastation and turned into a pillar of salt. Interesting ‘coincidence of the Smithsonian’s teams discovery of a large salt deposit. The very old book referred to this remnant of the wife as a ‘pillar of salt’ Nothing about the size of her demise.

The realty was continued by Lot’s two grandsons, Moab and Ammon. They settled in two different countries and are not available for comment. Rumor has it that the ‘good life’ of S & G went on for some time where the brothers settled. Family traditions.

Enjoy the analysis thanks to the Smithsonian for confirmation of an old story. It’s pretty good. Jack Gator

Prejudice Against Jack’s Family

/ Norman Eric Peterson / Leave a comment

Enough is enough. There are a few relatives down south in Jack’s family line. Cousins/Uncles, the usual
smattering of odd balls and brilliant and creative ones. Usually the same ones in both categories. There is
always prejudice out there against professional gators. Folks just don’t understand how hard we work for
our food.


You know how it is. The relatives show up, sometimes moving in or acquiring a home in the area. A
family of distant relatives bought a 40 and is attempting to put in a meat factory to enhance their diet.
Who knows how that will turn out! Some people have been protesting against these ‘gators’ and it’s gotten a bit ugly.
One of Jack’s relatives was offered a bribe to put in a big swampy factory that made them just drool with
the possibilities of unlimited pork and ham hocks. Local folks again, didn’t want anything to do with this
operation. There is a clever acronym for this operation: Controlled Alligator Feeding Operation. CAFO


The folks that really like sushi-on-the -hoof were very enthusiastic and supportive. Even folks that are just
dabbling into larger lagoons of mass production are enthusiastic.


Of course, the inevitable protesters always show up when it’s plain the other producers of larger farm
products do not have ‘skin in the game’. They’re just paranoid that their operations will be restricted or
monitored for environmental issue violations.


The old game of ‘gator seniority’ comes into play a lot. You know how it goes. “My family has been here
in this beautiful swap for four generations! We know what we are about and we respect other gators
around us. After all, we don’t want all the land, just the land next to ours. No need to get snappy about it.
It’s the way it always has been for professional reptiles.


The recollection of all the kids down by the bank of the swamp practicing their ‘death rolls’ is so much fun
to watch. They constantly look to us up on the bank as we snack on somebody that showed up. Or is it
with somebody? It gets a bit dicey when you are a predator to toe the line of eat or be eaten. Neighbors
are nice to have and now and then, Gator appetites can be a bit of a problem. When your feeling a bit
hungry and just need a little something to satisfy you, it gets confusing. Territorial food chains and all
that.


The rabbit family just downstream have been really nice neighbors. Really nice. The beavers next door
are very understanding with us and always avoid our family gatherings. Not pushy per se. Live and let
live we always say. Predators make good neighbors, ask the snapping turtle family across the river. Their
eggs are pretty good too.

So, to sum up, live and let live. Our territory is necessarily bigger, it’s only fair. We were here first.

Jack Gator

The Mask of Amontillado

/ Norman Eric Peterson / Leave a comment

Before his time, Poe wrote a terrifying short story about a man (Fortune} who is doomed because he is forced to wear a mask for the rest of his miserable short life. Fortune is also forced into social distancing by the narrator of this story, Monty. Of course, Fortune has no idea what is to happen to him until he is forced to wear a fine mask that is supposed to protect him from disease. Keeping away from other people is the other technique that doubles down on the mask. Monty made the masks and forced most of the people around him to wear them. The social distancing enforced upon Fortune was the only way to get him to be ‘safe’

Monty had thought this out way ahead of time and really was anxious to get on with it. You know how it is with a really neat plan you have for a friend or spouse! It’s hard to wait. Gator gets it too. He has a hard time with traffic lights.

Monty was a clever old toad and he really wanted Fortune to feel the isolation and social distance that was deserved in Monty’s mind. Following the national trend in some of the states, it seemed the thing that was necessary to keep Fortune safe, only for Monty and his enjoyment of companionship of sorts.

Monty gave Fortune a mask, a fine mask made of the finest linen. Once again to ostensibly save Fortune from the black death killing a great number of people. As Monty helped Fortune put on the mask, he dribbled some ether upon it and Fortune was soon unconscious and easily moved to a socially distant safe room. There was no one around and Monty began to make the safe room absolutely safe and socially distant from everyone. He left some fine wine in a cask for Fortune to enjoy while he was in a sequestered situation.

Monty went a little over the top in securing Fortune’s safety in sequestered entirety. He bricked up the room, floor to ceiling. Nothing could get in and threaten Fortune and there was a social distance that fulfilled the Governor’s edict to the letter. Shouting through the wall, Monty told Fortune he could take off his fine mask.

All Fortune could say as his situation began to dawn upon him was: “For the love of God Monty!” Dizzy with the Covid19 fear, Monty could only think of himself and how safe he and Fortune were at last. A fine mask indeed. The Amontillado was very nice as comforter. ‘It’s pretty good’ he said.

Jack Gator