It was a perfect day for a garden party. Carrie had everyone there and she and Julie were out in the garden. Some tips were welcomed about potato bugs from Julie. She showed how they moved and where they came from. “Under the ground?” Yup. But you can control a small amount of them by just squishing them as they. Or there is a benign way by using diatomaceous earth powder! Any bug with an exoskeleton can be controlled. It was a new word and very good advice from an expert on those things. Bugs.
The round patio table was set with delicious looking pastries and snacks sorts of things. Crackers and French Brie. Croissants and small glass dishes filled with pesto. There was fine china cups that seemed to expect coffee and linen at the places where lawn chairs were set.
A high English tea picture set for the honored guests. Gary began digging into the brie and, as another writer, was delighted with all his fellow writers, and good friends, coming over to the table to join him.
There was lively conversation approaching as Dave and Sally were on either side of Nigel excitedly filling him in on Scripture verses that explain how this glorious party resembles another to come. Bob was dancing before them, sometimes walking backwards and giving encouragement to the three of them. How exciting it must be to hear these grand stories. Battles and victories with noble people. Suffering with unbelievable impact. Many things almost hidden from casual reading that book.
Dana showed up with fresh smoked lake trout and whitefish from superior. It got picked clean in a short time and the guests were welcomed into the house with towels and hand soap handy at the kitchen sink.
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, just off the porch, Norm and Peter were whipping up a brew of excellent coffee. Fresh ground and just flown in with Carrie and Peter’s earlier visit to St. Helena island. Best coffee beans on the planet for only forty dollars an ounce. What a smell when the grinder did it’s work. Oh my,I never thought I would even smell coffee like this! Ecstatic with my history knowledge kicking in. The very island that Napoleon was exiled to! I wondered if it was worth the exile to have that coffee every day. It is said that Napoleon was a coffee aficionado. There weren’t better places for him to be exiled.
Eddie came in with a really nice linen towel around his arm and he was dressed to ‘the nines’ with an excellent servants black outfit. He delighted everyone when he walked out with a tray loaded with the best espresso ever. Sugar and cream in matching china as well.
It was a gathering of writers that came to enjoy one another’s company and hear stories from experienced raconteurs. The soiree lasted until the evening dew began and the grass was sparkly with the moonlight.
Have you ever thought what heaven would be like? What the King’s table that Moses and seventy some people got to dine at with the creator of everything that is and will be? This was a dim preamble of sorts.
Writers can be persnickety and filled with themselves, but not today. Not in the garden of delights. What a gift for these poetic people to try and capture it in words that just didn’t seem adequate to describe it all. It’s pretty good, Jack Gator
The flash and flare in the east and it is time. Move away from the comfort and deep sleep, awaken to dawn. Shut of the alarm clock, rise to the circadian rhythm of my body. Grasp my robe from the hanger on the back of our bedroom door. Close the bathroom door and glance at my tousled hair. A small pleasure in the new toilet seat that lowers itself slowly and doesn’t bang.
There are duties and places to be and now, it’s easier to find things because there is light beginning to arrive from the east. There is a small Brownian movement from the dust and I turn on the coffee maker. Go back in the parlor and open the side draft, rake the coals and put on a few pieces of wood.
I Find the good bread and drop two slices in with the timer set to max. The good bread is heavy. I ponder finding the cash for that upgrade on my cell phone already as I check the wood stove. Can we afford it? After all, everyone in the family has a new phone. Mine is old and I need to be current. It is the state of made things, they are old by the date they are put for sale. New and improved. No ‘good till’ or expired dates on your cell phone, but now I can’t find a screen guard to replace the cracked one. “You have to get a new one, yours is several years old. How much? Only 35 bucks a month forever.
It’s better with the shredded wheat on the shelf, we all know it’s good for a few years on our shelf. Silly thoughts along with dream remnants that linger until they too, pass into the storage area in my mind that is never too full and unavailable now and then.
There is a shuffle and purpose at hand to indeed waken fully and the hot caffeine warms my old ceramic cup. Carefully, set it down besides the fresh toast and open up a book next to the vitamins and various pills. The accouterments of morning rituals. The book now at hand is a collection of short stories that take slow reading to understand. Sarte, Sallinger and the rabbit eared current choice is Tolstoy’s ‘The death of Ivan Illych’
Nothing to it. Toast and coffee and a little orange juice to sluice down a hearty meal of existential writing and with some of the greatest short stories ever written. It’s still early and my son is stirring a bit. I come to the part of the story when Ivan knows he is dying and no one will be honest with him about how they feel about it and him. Only a peasant boy tells him the truth.
A quote from la Rochefoucauld is remembered: “One can neither stare long at the sun nor at death” During the war the thought was, it will come quickly It did to that shipmate on the horizon. It was close but I am OK. Next stop, Palma De Mallorca. Great liberty! My acquaintances ship has been sunk over the horizon. Tough luck. Time to celebrate after freedom from with the liberty boat and have a few drinks in his memory.
We go on, inwardly feeling we will live forever and poor old Ivan, it must have been his diet or that he just wouldn’t go to gymnasium as they advised him so many times. After all, his whist game was more important to him. There was nothing to be done. and here I am hundreds of years later, dressed for a church funeral service. I am Still in my book and almost awake.
A funeral then to go to. The fact that we are soon to be in that silken and narrow box does not cross our conscience. Even when the preacher tells us we are off the hook by death of Jesus’ sacrifice, we do not comprehend the sacrifice, it’s not totally understood. Tithe well and we might walk as Enoch did and not have to suffer as Ivan illych did. That’s it! The second coming and it will all work out! Don’t worry, be happy.
Death is defeated knowledge lingers and we are all good to go. Mourning seems to have passed us by. Ask not who the bell tolls for, it’s you. Old Ivan, it was his time to go. The rest of our family is up and dressed and we drive a dozen miles to the church for a funeral for a neighbors son.
Is there lunch after this funeral? Should be. It’s good here at the church of endless life. Maybe if I get in line before every one else does! I do not want to miss that apple pie I saw as I walked by the kitchen!
No one knows the hour of our death. People of faith in Jesus know what His resurrection means for us. Still, I like it here and I know my loved ones will have Shiva at the house. I do not like to think about the weeping, just as I wept as the coffin wheeled by me and I reached from my seat and gently prayed as the polished wood slid beneath my extended fingers. A young boy taken from us in tragedy.
Live well, love well and spend a lot of time speaking and listening to our creator that knew us when we were yet to be born. “why me?” “why am I here and what am I to do? I ask of Him. He answers gently. “I knew you would know the joy and sorrows of life and I Like how you write and talk about it and Me. That seems pretty good.
Grade School at Loring Elementary in North Minneapolis. Four blocks away from the Russell Avenue home and an easy walk. Twice. There was no lunchroom at the school and the walk home was a welcome relief for most of the students unless one of the class bullies was lurking about.
There isn’t much recall about Kindergarten ( German word derivative of ‘children’s garden’ )
I do remember 3rd grade when I boldly asked Miss Peterzaine when we would study soil cosmology or depth structure. She laughed and said that would come later.
Indicative of a precocious Asperger child. That term or diagnosis was not known at that time. It would seem I fit the profile. I was intellectually in another world and still am according to friends and family. Obsessive stimulation by silken edges on blankets, sniffing of hands and counting everything. Still do it. I got by. Glasses by 3rd grade too as there was difficulty in reading the blackboard.
I do remember the transformation of my mind when I first saw leaves instead of green blobs! It helped with the squeaky chalk writing. Dry erase still squeaks now and then but there aren’t any erasers to clap together outside. Chalk is still used in sidewalk games and art.
Thinking of softer stone and a stylus, it seems to be progress to keyboards and printers. Unless an older typewriter with the key jamming as you typed a little fast.
All of the odd things about grade school still lurk in my mind. Remember the ‘duck and cover’ when the spinning air horns would rattle the windows? Cold war or tornadoes. I embraced the image of becoming one with my desk with a nuclear attack. I liked my desk and it was comfy down there.
Home for lunch and a meeting with a war damaged Croatian boy and that was about it. Pleasant, predictable and perfect for me. I love routine. Still do. More on that later.
High school in 1956 and my sister was a junior and is this place, there was a cafeteria for lunch. I did OK and took every math and science class available. I was very interested in electricity and went after amateur radio in eighth grade. Being a recluse, it was easy and my dad helped me with equipment and setting up a ‘long wire’ from the house to a boulevard tree. It was up as high as a city fireman ladder can climb and it worked well. I was using Morse code to talk to other ‘Hams’ Not long after I wanted to move from Novice to General class licensing and studied electronic circuitry and perfected my code. A trip downtown to city hall came and I passed the technical exam and the 13 words a minute Morse code test. “youngest person ever to pass the test” they said. K0JMV is my call sign. Still have it.
I made friends with some other fans of radio in another high school and since I was now a general class operator, I can give them the test to become novices. We formed a little club and I have lost touch with them. They still have their call signs and I found them in a ham publication. I wrote a few of them and they never responded. I have many fond memories of them and am sad that I can’t reconnect. Isn’t that the way we are? We remember our home location and phone numbers after many decades.
I was very proud of Dad and even got to slide down the fire pole when he gave me a tour. He was a pretty stern guy at times and there were some scary moments between him and Mom.
Their bedroom was on the second floor and mine was right where the stairway began.
There was a bad argument when dad found out about mom cheating on him with a fellow fireman that lived nearby. Mom cried for help and I came out of my room and peaked into the kitchen. She was on the floor and Dad was standing over her with an angry demeanor.
One day, I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and saw Dad coming down stairs with a suitcase. He turned to the right and went through my room to the small porch and out to his car in the garage and that was the last I saw him until twenty years later. I hunched over the sink when he left and sobbed because I knew this was the end of our family. My mother and my sister stood outside the bathroom door and giggled and laughed. Odd to be separated between people you love that way. Things changed in me and those changes took decades to be brought into the light. I never forgot those moments but now they do not define who I am. It’s only light in the darkness of those things that changes them to stories rather than character.
I began to into a bit of a decline at this point. (that’s a quote from Marvin the paranoid android) It was a true condition. When my mother remarried after a short time from Dad’s departure it did not bode well for my sister and I. My stepfather moved right in after the wedding. Upstairs of course. He wound up sitting on my bed one night, completely nude, and started to touch me. I bolted up and ran out the door to the porch yelling. Not too much later, my sister told me he had braced her up against the wall asking for sex. Things were not going well. Escape seemed like a good idea for both of us. Sis got pregnant with a dentist and I left after high school for adventure in San Diego. By the way, the dentists name was Doctor Wunder and he was from Painsville, Minnesota. Seemed appropriate. They quickly married and escaped. Decades later I had him fix some bad dry sockets from wisdom teeth surgery. He was really gentle and good. He indeed, was a wonder.
Almost immediately after my high school graduation, I went with a classmate to San Diego on a whim and we got an apartment and begin to sell Encyclopedias with a reference book called a Syntopicon. We wore our graduation suits and forerunners of men in suits that also went door to door talking about their faith. We never sold one and I am always friendly to men in suits that come to my door with briefcases.
We had no money for food and so I used my briefcase to prowl the neighborhood for fruit trees and we ate a lot of oranges and grapefruit. I still love grapefruit juice. It’s hard to find in the marketplace these days and I get by with orange juice. Food memories of rescues by fruit. A classmate that was a great boxing champ years later, came out and rescued us. We tucked our suits back in the suitcases and drove home to Minneapolis in an old white Packard that burned oil. The trunk and rear bumper where not white anymore after that trip.
By that time, Mom and her fireman husband had moved north further towards the city limits and I moved into a spare bedroom with them. Quickly obtaining a job in a wood processing plant I worked hard and bought the car of my dreams. A 1961 MGA convertible. (that job is in a column on this web page titled ‘Freedoms bouquet with Tea’)
At this time, there was a war overseas in Viet Nam and the national draft was working strong. I was very 1A which means top of the list. I signed up with a Navy Recruiter to be assigned to the Nuclear Submarine force as a Nuclear Technician. They still call them Boats. I had the intellect and Electronics experience with straight A’s in math so it was a shoe in. The recruiter did not reveal two things to me: I had glasses and my color vision had some issues. This story continues in several columns: ‘Santa Fe Super Chief’ and ‘A sister in Laguna Beach’ Enjoy the stories, they are all true
It was just a memento, really. A friend had given me the coin, in honor of my service in the six day war, back in the middle sixties. (The story is in my column, Soaring.) It is a recollection of the times at sea when my ship was threatened by a Russian guided missile Frigate at night.
That young woman could buy a coffee in Jerusalem at a Cofix store or some noodles with the coin, but it meant more than that. It was a confirmation from a total stranger that Jesus holds her tight, and will always love her. Right here right now. It’s pretty good. Jack Gator.
The rescue came from ‘above’ with a tomcat fighter on our side of the war. Battle group stuff.No body died at that time but it was very terrifying nonetheless. For both ships and crews.
So, many decades later, that five shekel coin wound up on my dresser. Covered with dust many times and mostly forgotten with the usual dresser top debris. Pens, pencils, notes on small post it pads and a jewelry box with alligator pins, bow ties and very ancient and worthless cuff links. There even was an old hand-held ham radio transceiver up there with a nice whip antenna. Battery was dead. I found the charger and the battery works. Two meter rig, handier than a cell phone with 5 watts instead of 1/2 or less.
One day, a Sunday, I was getting ready to go to my volunteer position on a prayer team. Early in the morning as the church was about an hour and a quarter drive away. I grabbed a handful of quarters to buy an espresso and at the last moment put them aside on my desk and grabbed the 5 shekel coin and pocketed it. No reason really, just felt right in my left jean pocket. It belonged there that day.
On the somewhat dark morning drive there was a whisper in my spirit that I was to give the coin to the first person I met when I walked in the door. This is an interesting time of day to get into the church as it doesn’t open the doors until 8. I had left a message with a pastor that oversees the facility that I would be in early. I was being dropped off by my son who works at another campus of the Eagle Brook church nearby (Blaine) He is a director of the media department and has to come in early to set up the equipment and test the simulcast stuff. I was early at 7 and walked up to the big doors from the parking lot and it was pretty quiet. Lots of parking at that time!
When I reached the locked doors, a woman inside the second set of ‘airlock’ doors smiled, and came right up and opened the outside door and greeted me by name. Very pleasant considering there are over 800 staff people in the organization. Ten times that many volunteers. I dug into my left hand pocket and handed her the Israeli coin. I told her briefly why I did so. She widened her eyes and told me I did not know how much this meant to her. She is a missionary to Israel, is involved with these things and later, at an early gathering on the second floor, she gave it to a young woman that was going to Israel soon. Her plane had been canceled due to the new war.
This post was written several years ago. Since that time I have moved to the Blaine Campus and am an assistant director in production. I still slip down and join the prayer team if they have need. Dual chitizenship!
It was bewildering and rushed for young Milan. He got vague answers from his mother. Dad was evidently not coming back. Ever. He had gone off to Italy during the war and the only thing that Milan knew was tears.
Italy is almost a next door neighbor and there was pressure on the adults to fight in the war. . Before he went away, Dad taught Milan a few things about life and survival. Basic things that suddenly seemed very important.
How to be a man was one of the things Dad taught, and how to fight. It was father son stuff and made Milan feel grown up and tough. Soon after those times, there was a uniform and a backpack sitting next to dad at the dock. Milan not see across the sea but it seemed like his father was going to know the sea and some of it’s secrets. Milan was bright for a four year old boy, but had a lot of questions that he didn’t know he had.
The uniform Dad had on was a brown one, there was a lot of talk in the neighborhood about that as concentration camps were being staffed nearby and many of their friends were being targeted to be taken to the camps. By men in brown uniforms. Sometimes young children dressed in a similar way. You know the history and have seen the films of Germany in the late 1930’s. Obedience to death for ‘others’
There was something about where some people went to worship and Milan wasn’t on board with church anyway. His soccer friends were confused as he was. One family that lived nearby moved into their home. They were Jewish and afraid for their lives. Milan’s family was compassionate and filled with faith.
That family upstairs didn’t go out, ever. Food was getting scarce but the two families were tight. Their sons were forbidden to play outside. The upstairs family was not seen nor heard when Dad’s friends came over to play Bris Kula cards. Milan liked the mora cantada finger games. Guessing in games is an appeal to most people. The card game was colorful and brisk. And loud. It seemed that was the game of choice when people were visiting or stopping by.
Most of the world was unaware of the extent of Jewish persecution in the Slavic countries during WWII. Tens of thousands killed. Milan’s father was not there for that, he was in Northern Italy getting ready to accept an M1 round.
From those days onward, Milan hated military uniforms. All the medals and sashes, the epaulets
It was after the war was obviously over except for the big meetings with more fancy uniforms and formalities that it convinced Milan and his remaining family to emigrate to the United States. Fleeing the inevitable disasters and revenge that trots along after military losses or victories. Someone is to blame and the horror continues.
Our country knows these things and true refugees were always welcomed to Ellis island. The inevitable learning a new language, customs and even games is customary. The most natural movement into the population is into ghettos. A bad name for a pretty good idea. Markets with familiar foods and signs and schools that taught language and rules for America were the way Milan and his people survived and thrived.
[New York City still has these neighborhoods and some of the food cultures are amazing. People do not call them ghettos nowadays. Burroughs and ethnic enclaves is the language now. When you visit, those neighborhoods have the best food and the owners will tell you things about the neighborhood and It’s flavors unique.}
The uniforms were still a trigger for Milan. Any uniform, especially brown ones would rush into him and cause the fear and anger. Today we call it many names, PTSD, trauma reactions.
Milan (by the way, pronounced as Melan) was living in a big city neighborhood and stood out with an usual first and last name. I just remember him by his first name. He lived down the block and over.
I am a rather odd person and so was he. There was something that was understood between us and we shared stories when we met at the local candy store. The store was directly across the street from the elementary school. Location, location, location the Realtor’s always say.
I was a three musketeers guy and Milan liked the crunchy ones like Butterfingers. I was the only kid that pronounced his name correctly and he never made fun of my unusual name,
We were never close friends, but we did rely on each other on the playground and walking home. There were the usual idiot bully types and name callers. Milan was good to be around as he knew protection.
We had a little revenge on a few of them. Milan knew how to do those things too. We tied open wire trash cans in alleys with the wire connecting two of them strung across the alley. Lighting them on fire when we knew one of the families parents were coming home Then we ran. It made quite a racket and the cars were worse for wear.
I learned a French word, Sabotage. Old country stuff from Milan’s wartime experiences. He was pretty stealthy but we eventually got caught. I was beaten in our basement by my father. He used a dowel rod on my backside. Milan never talked about those things. Neither did I.
We were ‘different.’ We both were. I shared my three musketeer bar and developed a taste for the butterfingers bar. Back I those days, my candy bar came with two grooves and was split in three ways, I haven’t had one since those days. Probably the bar is so small now that it would take three of them. I still like butterfingers. (Read ‘ Santa Fe Super Chief ‘ at my web site for a butterfingers redoux)
The last time I saw Milan was on a winter day, walking to school. I was wearing my boy scout uniform and he became someone else as he pushed me into the snow and washed my face in it. His face was twisted in rage and it was beyond scary.
I had all my merit badges on a sash and his mind was instantly back in Croatia. The snow was cold and icy and we did not shake hands and make up. He didn’t even know it had happened.
Brown Hitler youth was the trigger from his childhood. It got between us and I never saw him again on my way to and from Grade school. Decades later, I tried looking him up but there was no trace. A brown boy scout uniform destroyed our friendship.
I made it to star scout and all my pals were eagle scouts. My dad was a scoutmaster for a while and wasn’t until I was much older I began to understand what had happened. During my war experiences I developed some ‘triggers’ too and if I ever meet Milan again, things would be very different. I miss him.
It was always gentle, the touch, almost as though the touch was a memory. At the first time I was surprised, astonished, and did not know who was touching me. I turned and did not know what to say. There was no one there but I knew I was to be never the same. Years upon years passed.
The story of the spoken words, five words with the touch. A healing touch and my life changed. Another five words decades later. A confirming and a beginning of knowledge and my life was now further to destiny. The fire within fanned into flame to show where the small fire had begun to glow.
I was running at the start, always running away from the pain that would not leave. All my life that pain and absence of love was the matrix of my heart. No one would ever get in again, it was too obvious that no one really cared. It was taken for truth that I was beyond all love. Trust was only a word about banking somehow or contracts for an exchange of some kind. I was abused as a child, running away only to find gangs and international smuggling with the usual weapons and anger. Run, they will torture you or kill you. Run and hide once again. Be wary and keep close watch on your heart.
There was a betrayal of an effort of love, love lost and cast away as a raft on the ocean far from land. No compass nor sextant nor even a chart to show what was ahead. Just adrift and always in the middle of the ocean once my land went beyond the horizon. No hope and only death to look ahead to. It was what I put away in a lock box in my heart, thinking out of sight, out of mind. That box was transparent. Most saw in it through my eyes. I knew it was safe in there.
So, adrift in the ocean of pity, I did not know what path I was on but I knew something was happening to me. Getting fed something good and drinking clear good water. No idea where these things were coming from. After all, adrift on an ocean does not include drinkable water. Even tears are salty.
Finally a meeting was available to see the one true love that betrayed me. She was in a bad way, in a hospital of recovery from her own trauma. Drugs used to dull the pain, like a path I also chose before five words began the small fire in my heart and saved me from a bad end. “Life or death, Choose now” Words spoken audibly in an empty room as I was staring at a line of heroin. Obviously life was chosen. The addiction was gone and there was no withdrawal. A miracle that took decades to see who said those five words. Our Lord Jesus. There was something ahead for my life, indeed there is.
Bluffing my way into the hospital as a youth minister working with her father who was the senior pastor at Central Lutheran, I managed to see my lost beloved before me. She was in a haze of recuperative drugs as she sat up on the bed in her room, clothed in hospital scrubs. Dazed, confused and finally focusing on the one she betrayed and had discarded the love we had. She had moved away with a Guthrie actor and hid her engagement ring. Now Right in this moment, I knew this time was different. Only the tenderness for her was in my heart. I again chose life.
She awakened and recognized me and asked; “Why are you here?” Without hesitation, I spoke the words of healing for her too. “Because I love you!” I Said loudly surprising them both and then I left soon thereafter.
I had showed her the wood camper I now lived in and had driven two thousand miles to see her. It was disappointingly impossible for us to see through the recessed windows of the locked area. The small fire in my heart was being fanned into flame. There were my habits still to overcome but the seed of love was beginning to grow within me and the marriage that came decades later to a wonderful woman was right and true. I never knew what happened to the girl I had loved in the hospital. Rumors from old friends then said she was now living in New Orleans.
I found her phone number and asked her to send me the engagement ring I gave her at Theodore Worth park just after discharge from the Navy in 1967. I had met her at the YMCA when I was playing guitar as a paid entertainer.
Sometimes the fear and trauma would return but my wife helped me and with a counselor that said those memories and fears of the past were just that. Eventually I realized there was no danger with betrayal, violence and guns of the past. A word or even a tone of voice was the trigger to be recognized as just a vapor of evil, trying once again to destroy my life with fear. It can happen to you.!
The burning one with fire in His eyes gives us the knowledge that we are, indeed, loved and worthy to tell others of this discovery within our hearts. My heart lock-box was opened and I have never been the same since. The flame of eternal love is burning bright with the Fire in the eyes of Christ. It’s pretty good.
There is a common feeling and conversational platitude. When asked where did you grow up, we usually respond with the name of a city or region of the world. Appearing to be clever or witty some of us will say “in a house” but where when the slight smile goes with the second question, the answer is a nice neighborhood. A sheen of ‘normality’ and wit to deflect focus from ourselves.
Some of us grew up in homes that were destroyed physically or internally. Our childhood is not just a growing up like a house plant. We are awake and like the potters clay, are formed into someone unique and beautiful as our creator meant us to be.
Our world is filled with people that grow like trees, all of us have a heritage of leaves and branches and roots that grab a hold. We are meant to grow near streams of living water and our roots then go deep and we grow strong. That image has been written about and sung.
Images of buck thorn also come to mind and the pain of touching one of those is not forgotten. What happened to creation and why was it there? We want to cut it down. I don’t like them and it seems they don’t like me either. It is then that judgment on many grow. I think of the superintend”of a dormitory that Anne of Green Gables lived at when she was in college. Anne described her as ‘prickly as a cactus” Katherine Brook. She was portrayed as that.
A potter can throw clay on the wheel and when it is fired and glazed it becomes a work of the hands. “The colors are off” A painting of beauty seen before the first brush stroke comes forth framed and a thorny one remarks that there is a smudge on the corner. Written poetry is put on paper and given to another. “Oh, I really like that image of the withered branch!” But a critic notices a spelling mistake or a missing comma. Love within trapped by our own thorns.
A tree that has weathered storms can be gnarly or even destroyed. The work of the potters hand can be broken and written poetry can turn to ashes. Chainsaws, anger and indifference are the tools wielded by the thorny ones. I use a chainsaw by the way, a small one to cut down prickly ash and buckthorn. No one likes those except Goats who eat them.
The question for me and you is, am I a buck thorn among the grove? Do I find fault instead of the poetry of creation? Do I listen and see the light? There are many things that can change us into grapevines that tear down the trees. We have our excuses, some dredged up by a therapist we did not know was an operating system in our hypothalamus! I was told I had 6 tenths of a second to differentiate between a threat or an old memory. It took a while to deal with that but it is possible.
A hand gesture like a pointed finger, a tone of voice spoken what seems harsh. Triggers that instantly made me run away, to get away. To leave that danger by the small boy that still lives inside. PTSD from experiences recent or long past. All the same fear and loss.
As children we are much more aware of our world than we know. We draw conclusions about our world, nurtured or abandoned. Abused or cuddled. Fully alive, taking it all in and processing to make sense of where we are and who we are.
I think of John the Baptist and Jesus in their mothers wombs. Joyful at meeting one another before they were born. Why is that in the Bible? Tender words, gentle voices that guide us. We know who is our mother. It feels so good and perfect when a very new person responds to our smile and soft words. “Be like children” good idea, the best advice given by the One who made us. Again, Anne of Green Gables, a kindred spirit like two tuning forks ringing together.
Just close your eyes and think what it will be like when Jesus opens His arms and smiles as He embraces us. In His presence, all fear is gone. Eternity, is calling me away, eternal song is calling me home. It’s still there in our spirit, the wish to be seen and wholly loved. It’s me, the prodigal son. I see my Father running towards me. My tears he holds in His heart and He cries them over me as we embrace. Eternities, eternal song, is calling me; calling me away, calling me home. It’s pretty good. Jack Gator Scribe
Sometime ago, in the last century, 1944, I was born in Minneapolis at Swedish Hospital. It was exactly two months after D Day in WWII. My parents were doing OK as they both worked and I was put in the care of my Grandparents. Out in a western suburb called Golden Valley. At that time, my father was working for the Minneapolis fire department, Station 16 in the near north side. My mother worked downtown for the Minneapolis school administration. Secure city jobs.
It worked for the family and besides, I had a sister that was four when I was born. She helped me grow up for five years. She always referred to me as her baby brother. It makes sense, it didn’t when I was in High school. Sis went to school for four years in a one room school, right on Golden Valley Road, a few miles away. No school buses then, they hadn’t been invented yet. There is no memory of how she got there. She cut across the Golden valley golf course. There were the usual stories of trudging through deep snow and cold to get to school and back. They were true.
Life out there in the valley was pretty bucolic, a big truck garden to joyfully weed by we kids. Dad and Grandpa smoked pipes and it wasn’t high quality Latakia tobacco either. Seemed an odd habit for firemen. Their nicknames at that time was smoke eaters. Scott air Pacs were not yet invented, Many times the phone would ring from the hospital telling us that Dad was in for smoke inhalation.
I had a neighbor friend, Freddy, and he lived right across the fence line at the southwest corner. I exploited Freddie’s friendship, I can remember him still with the super electric train set in his basement. it was an American Flyer with two rails instead of those Lionel trains with three. Hours we would spend down there. I also remember the electric smells of the small transformer that powered that train. Now and then there would be little sparks as the engine crossed a switch. I yearned for a model train for most of my childhood. As an old man, I wonder what or where he wound up. Freddie Hill. Do we all do this?
I never got Freddie to help weed the big garden but he did join us on the ‘rock boat’ But I never really knew him. Maybe that happens more often than we realize. It worked as he was just as bored as I was. No climbing trees, no forts, It wasn’t rural, it was very early suburban. Golden valley road and Winnetka Avenue. I think briefly of driving past that intersection. Nostalgia that is better left as is. Too many times all of us go back around to those places.
We did go fishing in Bassets creek though. It was right across the road from the big fancy Golden Valley golf course. The creek was fairly narrow but to us, it was a mysterious river. Adventure unknown. Bogart gets an early start in river life. Wind in the Willows with Rat and Toad. I had the impression for quite my life that I was Toad. Adventuresome, arrogant and oblivious to other people’s needs. I was always intrigued by motorcycles and vehicles that make noise. Just like Toad.
When I was barely a teenager, I had enough paper route money to buy a motorcycle! We put it in Grandpas garage he permitted me to ride it around his property. When they were on vacation, I crawled in that garage and took that Indian Chief out for a spin down highway 100. It was bright red and I sure wish I had it now! Toad gets a noisy machine!
I had to sell it of course, everyone in the neighborhood saw me riding it. I was allowed to buy a Cushman Eagle scooter soon after. A downgrade with two speeds and a large lawnmower engine. It would slip the clutch to make it sound like it had gears instead of V belts. I was so focused on self image and wanted to be just like those glossy ads in the magazines for Harley Davidson. The Harley flathead came later during my senior high school days.
In the creek down the hill, I got a hold of a fish that was so big, I couldn’t raise it from the water. No one else believed the story but I still remember it. Maybe it was a big Sturgeon! A nasty catfish or bullhead?
Looking back at it, I suddenly realize that it’s not the catching that is important. Its being a part of the fish and the water having business together. a. We just get to go along with for a brief time as they do business with us too. Lasting and poetic things they are. Catch the spirit and never release it for life.
That fish got away… Almost catch and release of a yet to come tradition. The Holy Spirit now resides in me decades later. I asked Him in and that’s pretty good. Once you are caught, there is no release. Just Joy and understanding are always with you.
The golf course was a good place to slip into (before the six foot chain link fencing) and golf balls abounded in the creek. Pretty good, easy money for myself and Sis. It was a water hazard and the golfers were very grateful for them. These days they would most be detained and arrested. Different times, in the last half of the twentieth century. Now a days children are forbidden to set foot there. Too much fear but then it results in isolation from fascinated children. A tall chain link fence goes all the way around, even in Basset’s creek! Golf ball concussions not available creek side.
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When I got old enough to go to the one room school with my sister, we had to move! It was because a neighbor took offense at them and turned my Dad in for being a city employee that did not live in the city.
Grandpa, a fire chief, had more seniority and was close to retirement, so he got to stay there. He was a cabinetmaker and also made stuff in his basement for the Shriner’s. I remember the huge scimitar with lights all around the perimeter that he made. They still use it for the Shrine Circus. They hang it from the top of the stage curtain. “That was made by my Grandfather!” It gave me bragging points when I would go to that circus in downtown Minneapolis.
Grandma was a tough old Norwegian that made the best deep fried doughnut holes on the planet. She loved her grandson and I loved her too. She was an orphan from the Superior orphan train, but I never did hear how she and Grandpa met. He was lonely and picked her up at the depot on the spot. A variation of Anne of Green Gables. A lot of family history is just gone. It was down in the Baldwin Wisconsin area that the two of them lived on the Punde farm.
So there in our new home, a stucco and brick house in North Minneapolis at 4208 Russell Avenue and it was time for me to go to kindergarten. It was only five blocks away so I walked. It was OK. Now I have bragging rights of walking through the snow to school.! We would always walk on top of the mounds of snow between the sidewalk and the curb. I enjoyed the time alone and got to eat my lunch at home alone with the TV on the linoleum counter. It was tuned to ‘Lunch with Casey’ A guy with a railroad engineer outfit and a sidekick named Roundhouse Rodney, our family was rich. We had two TV’s with rabbit ears too! A glass of milk, an Apple with a PBJ sandwich and a hostess twinkie for dessert looking up at the TV. A functioning Asperger child in his preferred element. I still like eating alone at times.
Often I would sneak into my sisters room and play Beethoven on the upright piano. She did not like me going in there alone. She really didn’t like me at all. After all, she had to raise me up and do all the baby stuff while mom was working when we lived in Golden Valley. (to be continued)
It was a good friendship. An E4 and an O6. That’s a Petty Officer third class and a Captain. We were also neighbors. Myself and Pastor Russ. Neighbors that met riding bicycles on passable blacktop roads. Russ lived about a mile and a half away from me and once in a while, we would go for a ‘spin’. There was another huge difference between us as Russ was a category 2 racer and I just liked to ride. Cat 2 is pretty professional and impressive. He was a very good rider to be with. I learned a lot.
One remarkable day, Russ was riding alone and met a very pretty and friendly bicycle rider. She was riding nearby and as Russ was married to Debra and a pastor, he was safe to ride with.
Not long afterwards, Russ mentioned to me about this woman. “She runs a lakeside camp nearby, it’s called Whispering Pines. Pretty good cyclist too!” Myself as a lonely bachelor, was intrigued. I knew where the camp was and began thinking about Russ’s new friend. Just by coincidence a real woman cyclist that lived nearby and with a job! Obviously fit and friendly. Russ said she was pretty too. I considered calling the camp. Why not?
Meanwhile, that cyclist, Julie, was out in Washington state at a conference. She was at a local bar near the Canadian border and the bartender, Margaret, was gregarious and asked Julie where she was from. She told her where the she was from and the bartender, casually wiping down the bar said, “where in Trade Lake do you live?” “What! No one knows that dinky little township!” Margaret replied, “My grandparents lived in Trade Lake” They had a few things to talk about then.
Margaret, incredibly enough, was an old friend of mine and gave Julie my phone number. Julie put it in her wallet and when she returned to Wisconsin and the camp, tossed that piece of paper into a drawer in her office. A Junk drawer holding device to eventually have some of it’s contents put into a round holding device standing on the floor nearby.
On a particularly perfect day for cycling, I decided to call the camp and asked for the director. I gave her my name and mentioned my friend Russ. I also told her that Russ and I rode a lot together and asked if Julie would like to ride sometime. “It’s that Guy! The friend of that bartender way out west!” Julie consulted the head cook, Cora who was her trusted friend if it would be OK to go ride with me. “why not? Sounds safe, a pastors friend” she replied
So Julie told me OK, and being mostly clueless but aware that neutral territory was not at her place nor mine, I suggested we ride our bicycles towards one another on county road M and we meet that way. I saw Julie coming towards me, uphill and riding strong. I waited for her, watching her technique. Pretty good climber.
We did a short 50 mile ride and I asked her out to eat afterwards. Little Mexico, a great local restaurant with homemade guacamole and chips, they had good Mexican beer too. Cora said: “why not?” And so we went. This time I drove my car, a Volvo wagon with a bike rack on the roof of course.
That wise cook had some chocolate cake for our dessert when we returned. After many enjoyable rides later, some of them with pastor Russ, it began to be clear that this whole thing was a coincidence of extraordinary circumstances.
Sometime later when my old friend, Margaret, the bartender, got in touch, I told her the delightful bicycle romance story and then she added one more fact. The exact place on County road M where Julie and I met, was right at the driveway where Margaret’s Grandparent’s had lived. As this story has been told many times, I always say; “It was a miracle, God’s handiwork”.
Julie continued managing the camp until another director was chosen for the job. She moved in to my farm and we played house for a time. We also began working at 7 pines lodge nearby in Lewis. Fresh caught brook trout and fried carrots was the main menu. It was also the only thing on the menu.
The manager was a good fly fisherman and had us, the waiters, put on mystery dinners. All the guests became suspects in the mystery murder and myself and Julie played the hosts of the hotel where the murder was. The manager did not take part in the play as he was busy in the kitchen.
Out of the blue at home, Julie and I proposed and it seemed to make a lot of sense to us. ‘Shacking up’ later on when I became baptized, we realized living in sin was also a description. It seemed good and right. I did get the wedding ring made from my Grandmothers ring. Proposing was an equal opportunity proposition. It worked for us. Still does. More perfect timing. We were married at 7 pines lodge and the wedding was a fabulous affair. The square dance band that I played in (Duck for the Oyster} came to help with the music as well as Bill Hinkley and Judy Larson and Mary Dushane from the Powder milk Biscuit Band. Myself and three fiddlers stood in a circle around my beautiful bride and we played a Swedish waltz, Helsa Hem Dar Hemma.
A Real log lodge with a stream house that straddled the trout stream, that was where we spent our wedding night. The running water made bathroom breaks occur often. It was glorious and one of those memories that is permanently set within us. The dance was at the West Denmark church hall and we still have a photograph of Julie’s dad strutting down the middle of the Virginia Reel dance. More food and leftover wedding cake.
My mom drove up in her Buick convertible to attend our wedding. She almost left in the beginning of the ceremony saying that her dog needed her at home. She stayed with some gentle urging from a good friend of ours. It was obvious that something was going on with mom. Dementia. Her dad had the same issue and died not long afterwards of the onset. Mom was still living in her third home in Bryn Mawr Minneapolis.
After a few years went by and our two children were growing and our farmhouse was rebuilt to double it’s original size. (right before Bjorn, their first born arrived) My Mom agreed to help finance the huge mound system that was needed for the ‘upgrade’ to our home. Bedrooms for the kids after all.
My mother was fading and I drove down at least every week to help her out. Managing the bills and looking after things. Not too long afterwards, about a year, we moved Mom up to our area into a nursing home. Julie had an old pastor friend, Barry, agree to come up to talk to my Mom. however, she died that night and he came up anyway and spent hours with me at the kitchen table. “Mere Christianity” was referred to a lot and I brought up other religions, Buddhism, Islam and my early family attendance at a Christian Science church in Minneapolis. “What about you? What do you think about all this, we are talking about you” It was a very important Question. This was serious and I had a lot think about. Barry slid the C.S. Lewis book across the table and it made sense the more I read it. Still do.
Barry’s church, a Congregational one, agreed to do mom’s funeral with a meal and even light a candle every Sunday for a week or two. No charge. Character in a great man of faith. We began attending as we both were becoming closer to being Christians. Julie already was one, I was still wary.
Soon thereafter, I had a life changing experience at Russ’ church (Russ was in the Navy as a chaplain then and there was a new pastor) . A Christmas cantata was offered and I reluctantly said I would go. Of course, Bjorn and Soren, our sons, were in Jammies, and went up on the choirs risers just before the concert! Great embarrassment for us as we were not well known even though the church was only a mile and a half away from our home. Zion Lutheran.
The Holy spirit overcame me as the choir was singing ‘Mary did you know’. A man in the choir began reciting the words of the song. All I saw was his face and those words changed my Life. Forever. “It’s all true! He is creator of all things! Somebody had to do it! Random evolution never made sense to me.
Pastor Barry said Christ loves me! I still believe the Holy Spirit was running the spotlight up in the balcony so the man reciting had the light directly on him and the angle of the light reflected right to me. It was the major point in my life. The church is still there and once in a while we go to a smorgasbord there. That experience was so overwhelming that attending would not work. The memory is too strong. I stopped once and told the new pastor about these things and he showed me the sanctuary where it happened. It seemed to encourage him. He has the same last name as ours, Peterson. Small world indeed.
Our marriage continues to grow as Julie was already a believer in Jesus. It was good news to her as well. Many times that story still brings tears to me. You know the feeling. Words began to fall short and it’s hard to speak them. That song, obviously, is my favorite and I weep and worship when it is sung.
Our whole family began attending Pastor Barry’s church near Amery, but with the two boys, it was hard to go 80 miles round trip every Sunday. There was a ministry too even further away at Lake Elmo, it was an automotive repair ministry (God’s grease monkeys) and I continued to be a volunteer there. Our Volvo was filled with food while I was working. I was a foreign car shop owner at that time and I was pretty useful. It was another blessing that continues on in various ways. Every church gathering we attend has miracles when we look. He is pouring His spirit out on us. You too.
Later, at a sweet corn feed at a local church, we met Pastor Roger Inoway and the relation with Grace Baptist, a church association for us began. It was only ten miles away in Grantsburg, Wisconsin.
Our family began attending that church and eventually we started a successful food ministry there. The monthly event was named Feed My Sheep. It was coupled with an automotive repair ministry, Grace Garage. The food ministry was a bright spot for us as we got to minister and pray for the people waiting in an adjacent room. They were waiting to be called to get in line for the food distribution. People still comment to Julie and I about those prayers and some healing that occurred. The church made me a deacon in the process too.
News came that the camp, Whispering Pines, was in need of a temporary manager while it was up for sale. Julie and I stepped into that position and soon after, two pastors showed up on motorcycles at the camp. They expressed interest in buying it! Perfect. Keep the camp Christian owned and run. A good vision for us for certain. We got baptized at Whispering pines soon afterwards. Pastor Barry had never performed a baptism and so dunked us three times. “Father, Son and Holy Spirit” and I saw him above me in the clear lake water. I asked him what he saw as he looked at me. “A dead man” he perfectly replied.
There was a quick transition to those new motorcycling pastors church with the blessing of the Grantsburg leadership. Back south of Highway 8 again! Our family fit in well and eventually became the worship team there. We were licensed as Pastors but weren’t installed. When the two Pastors they were hoping would buy the camp didn’t buy it we left. The camp was sold to a real estate developer and after a neighborhood fight about loosing the beautiful Methodist camp to a developer, it was developed into high end lake homes (½ mile of lake shore went with the camp) It was time to find a church closer to home and after dreaming together about their next move, both of us got the same named local pastor.
That church seemed appropriate and it was only a few miles away. You have noticed that a lot of what is called ‘Church Hopping’ occurred for us. It wasn’t that at all. It was Church involvement and being led by the Spirit. About five years at each house of worship was average. All of it extraordinary and good.
It’s a hard life at times and our whole family has had many challenges from both of our pasts. We are still together and praising the Lord and his way of loving them. Our Lord does not have a plan. He is plan. Now we listen to Him and we follow His leading. The Lord speaks quietly and we are getting better at listening.
We continued singing and playing songs to Him and about Him, writing a few of those songs as well. It’s better than my bar band, and I am not even obligated to wear a cowboy hat. We did move to another church again to a refurbished bar that I played with the country western band! It was a new life about 30 miles away. I occasionally played Viola and the Mandolin there. South of highway 8 again. As I write this we have again been called to another gathering, Eagle Brook in Minnesota. I am working with Bjorn who is the media director and he asked me to become his AD (assistant director) It’s a long drive but he drives most of the way after I drive to his place about 28 miles south. I am also being trained as a camera operator.
We do wear our faith on our sleeves. Just like in my Navy days in a way. This story catches attention to unbelievers. It still catches our attention around May 23rd as well. our anniversary day.
Who can foretell the leading of the Lord? Jesus guides as he provides and that is challenging and exciting.
Jack gators grace notes 