Struggles

Lectio Devina

/ Norman Eric Peterson / Leave a comment

I was reading an introduction to a nice book that was a gift and came across that word, Lectio Devina. [to practice what you read and understand]. Wisdom and truth given by Christ not just for realizing truth, given as life paths to be more like Him.

Just the other day, I was working on putting new handles on a wheel barrow. Quite a few carriage bolts and nuts involved in the process. It was going pretty well, I managed to put them all in order and even get some new ones to replace the rusted ones. I put the handles on after a lengthily process of removing the old ones. Putting needle nose vice grips on the old rusty bolts and keeping them from spinning the rusty carriage bolt tops. The barrow itself is rather rusty and the holes weak. It went pretty good nonetheless.

Finally, putting the new wooden handles in place, I found the holes drilled in them did not correspond with the old handles! The hardware person assured me that all those handles were the same for every application. They weren’t. I had to drill out two of them that were off by 20mm. . Finding the drill bit in my somewhat disorganized tool drawer by size and then carefully marking the place to drill with a center punch, I managed to make the correct holes.

The process started over again the this time, it worked until it became time to mount the wheel. Those holes did not work and the mounting is tricky to start with. The mounts have to swivel a little to accommodate the angles and those holes were off as well. I started to loose patience and pulled up the wheel, dropping the shims and the sliding mounts all at once onto the floor and preceded to start throwing things around. Tools and parts. Julie was there by then and was ‘disappointed’ in my behavior. I Felt justified in my frustration and she observed, I was not acting as I have written about, talked about, even advised on this behavior problem.

We were both upset, to put it mildly, and after lying on the grass outside the shop, I began the process of first beating myself up about my behavior and then had enough sense to go out to my spot in the middle of our garden and speak to our Lord about this pattern of frustration. Gently He reminded me to put into my life the things that I quote from Scripture to others. It was humbling and began a healing in me. The next morning I began reading a recent book that was a gift and found the perfect instructions to follow. Lectio Devina. [Practice what you read and preach].

Old words from Latin that are relevant right here, right now. There are many of us that believe wisdom is for us to speak and write about and be hot shot scholars that know many things about scripture.

Behaviors, attitudes and good things our Lord tells us about every day. Love your neighbors, be generous, be kind and always listen to that still, small voice in our spirit. I have to die to my own excuses, perceived righteous behaviors and judgment of others. The hardest one for me seems to be my judgment of myself that is the wrong way to go about changing my behavior.

Sound familiar? Take this to heart as I have revealed a weakness of my own. Let this truth go deep and stir up our minds and all our behavior. Understanding that all of us need to realize that faith means more than belief. I can understand how to use tools, but the one tool I am still learning to use better is the spirit of our Lord.

There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus. He is the judge of all things, but he does not condemn. After all, the thief on the cross simply said, “remember me when you come into your Kingdom” Jesus knew what the man said. I look ahead to meeting that man as well. He was at his last breath but knew the Lord and forgiveness for his life and sins.

How it applies to me? I have more time before my last breath.

With thanks to Matt Meher composer, for his singing truth and beauty recordings while I write

Autobiography of Norm Chapter 2

/ Norman Eric Peterson / Leave a comment

Grade School at Loring Elementary in North Minneapolis. Four blocks away from the Russell Avenue home and an easy walk. Twice. There was no lunchroom at the school and the walk home was a welcome relief for most of the students unless one of the class bullies was lurking about.

There isn’t much recall about Kindergarten ( German word derivative of ‘children’s garden’ )

I do remember 3rd grade when I boldly asked Miss Peterzaine when we would study soil cosmology or depth structure. She laughed and said that would come later.

Indicative of a precocious Asperger child. That term or diagnosis was not known at that time. It would seem I fit the profile. I was intellectually in another world and still am according to friends and family. Obsessive stimulation by silken edges on blankets, sniffing of hands and counting everything. Still do it. I got by. Glasses by 3rd grade too as there was difficulty in reading the blackboard.

I do remember the transformation of my mind when I first saw leaves instead of green blobs! It helped with the squeaky chalk writing. Dry erase still squeaks now and then but there aren’t any erasers to clap together outside. Chalk is still used in sidewalk games and art.

Thinking of softer stone and a stylus, it seems to be progress to keyboards and printers. Unless an older typewriter with the key jamming as you typed a little fast.

All of the odd things about grade school still lurk in my mind. Remember the ‘duck and cover’ when the spinning air horns would rattle the windows? Cold war or tornadoes. I embraced the image of becoming one with my desk with a nuclear attack. I liked my desk and it was comfy down there.

Home for lunch and a meeting with a war damaged Croatian boy and that was about it. Pleasant, predictable and perfect for me. I love routine. Still do. More on that later.

High school in 1956 and my sister was a junior and is this place, there was a cafeteria for lunch. I did OK and took every math and science class available. I was very interested in electricity and went after amateur radio in eighth grade. Being a recluse, it was easy and my dad helped me with equipment and setting up a ‘long wire’ from the house to a boulevard tree. It was up as high as a city fireman ladder can climb and it worked well. I was using Morse code to talk to other ‘Hams’ Not long after I wanted to move from Novice to General class licensing and studied electronic circuitry and perfected my code. A trip downtown to city hall came and I passed the technical exam and the 13 words a minute Morse code test. “youngest person ever to pass the test” they said. K0JMV is my call sign. Still have it.

I made friends with some other fans of radio in another high school and since I was now a general class operator, I can give them the test to become novices. We formed a little club and I have lost touch with them. They still have their call signs and I found them in a ham publication. I wrote a few of them and they never responded. I have many fond memories of them and am sad that I can’t reconnect. Isn’t that the way we are? We remember our home location and phone numbers after many decades.

I was very proud of Dad and even got to slide down the fire pole when he gave me a tour. He was a pretty stern guy at times and there were some scary moments between him and Mom.

Their bedroom was on the second floor and mine was right where the stairway began.

There was a bad argument when dad found out about mom cheating on him with a fellow fireman that lived nearby. Mom cried for help and I came out of my room and peaked into the kitchen. She was on the floor and Dad was standing over her with an angry demeanor.

One day, I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and saw Dad coming down stairs with a suitcase. He turned to the right and went through my room to the small porch and out to his car in the garage and that was the last I saw him until twenty years later. I hunched over the sink when he left and sobbed because I knew this was the end of our family. My mother and my sister stood outside the bathroom door and giggled and laughed. Odd to be separated between people you love that way. Things changed in me and those changes took decades to be brought into the light. I never forgot those moments but now they do not define who I am. It’s only light in the darkness of those things that changes them to stories rather than character.

I began to into a bit of a decline at this point. (that’s a quote from Marvin the paranoid android) It was a true condition. When my mother remarried after a short time from Dad’s departure it did not bode well for my sister and I. My stepfather moved right in after the wedding. Upstairs of course. He wound up sitting on my bed one night, completely nude, and started to touch me. I bolted up and ran out the door to the porch yelling. Not too much later, my sister told me he had braced her up against the wall asking for sex. Things were not going well. Escape seemed like a good idea for both of us. Sis got pregnant with a dentist and I left after high school for adventure in San Diego. By the way, the dentists name was Doctor Wunder and he was from Painsville, Minnesota. Seemed appropriate. They quickly married and escaped. Decades later I had him fix some bad dry sockets from wisdom teeth surgery. He was really gentle and good. He indeed, was a wonder.

Almost immediately after my high school graduation, I went with a classmate to San Diego on a whim and we got an apartment and begin to sell Encyclopedias with a reference book called a Syntopicon. We wore our graduation suits and forerunners of men in suits that also went door to door talking about their faith. We never sold one and I am always friendly to men in suits that come to my door with briefcases.

We had no money for food and so I used my briefcase to prowl the neighborhood for fruit trees and we ate a lot of oranges and grapefruit. I still love grapefruit juice. It’s hard to find in the marketplace these days and I get by with orange juice. Food memories of rescues by fruit. A classmate that was a great boxing champ years later, came out and rescued us. We tucked our suits back in the suitcases and drove home to Minneapolis in an old white Packard that burned oil. The trunk and rear bumper where not white anymore after that trip.

By that time, Mom and her fireman husband had moved north further towards the city limits and I moved into a spare bedroom with them. Quickly obtaining a job in a wood processing plant I worked hard and bought the car of my dreams. A 1961 MGA convertible. (that job is in a column on this web page titled ‘Freedoms bouquet with Tea’)

At this time, there was a war overseas in Viet Nam and the national draft was working strong. I was very 1A which means top of the list. I signed up with a Navy Recruiter to be assigned to the Nuclear Submarine force as a Nuclear Technician. They still call them Boats. I had the intellect and Electronics experience with straight A’s in math so it was a shoe in. The recruiter did not reveal two things to me: I had glasses and my color vision had some issues. This story continues in several columns: ‘Santa Fe Super Chief’ and ‘A sister in Laguna Beach’ Enjoy the stories, they are all true

A Young Boy from Croatia

/ Norman Eric Peterson / Leave a comment

It was bewildering and rushed for young Milan. He got vague answers from his mother. Dad was evidently not coming back. Ever. He had gone off to Italy during the war and the only thing that Milan knew was tears.

Italy is almost a next door neighbor and there was pressure on the adults to fight in the war. . Before he went away, Dad taught Milan a few things about life and survival. Basic things that suddenly seemed very important.

How to be a man was one of the things Dad taught, and how to fight. It was father son stuff and made Milan feel grown up and tough. Soon after those times, there was a uniform and a backpack sitting next to dad at the dock. Milan not see across the sea but it seemed like his father was going to know the sea and some of it’s secrets. Milan was bright for a four year old boy, but had a lot of questions that he didn’t know he had.

The uniform Dad had on was a brown one, there was a lot of talk in the neighborhood about that as concentration camps were being staffed nearby and many of their friends were being targeted to be taken to the camps. By men in brown uniforms. Sometimes young children dressed in a similar way. You know the history and have seen the films of Germany in the late 1930’s. Obedience to death for ‘others’

There was something about where some people went to worship and Milan wasn’t on board with church anyway. His soccer friends were confused as he was. One family that lived nearby moved into their home. They were Jewish and afraid for their lives. Milan’s family was compassionate and filled with faith.

That family upstairs didn’t go out, ever. Food was getting scarce but the two families were tight. Their sons were forbidden to play outside. The upstairs family was not seen nor heard when Dad’s friends came over to play Bris Kula cards. Milan liked the mora cantada finger games. Guessing in games is an appeal to most people. The card game was colorful and brisk. And loud. It seemed that was the game of choice when people were visiting or stopping by.

Most of the world was unaware of the extent of Jewish persecution in the Slavic countries during WWII. Tens of thousands killed. Milan’s father was not there for that, he was in Northern Italy getting ready to accept an M1 round.

From those days onward, Milan hated military uniforms. All the medals and sashes, the epaulets

It was after the war was obviously over except for the big meetings with more fancy uniforms and formalities that it convinced Milan and his remaining family to emigrate to the United States. Fleeing the inevitable disasters and revenge that trots along after military losses or victories. Someone is to blame and the horror continues.

Our country knows these things and true refugees were always welcomed to Ellis island. The inevitable learning a new language, customs and even games is customary. The most natural movement into the population is into ghettos. A bad name for a pretty good idea. Markets with familiar foods and signs and schools that taught language and rules for America were the way Milan and his people survived and thrived.

[New York City still has these neighborhoods and some of the food cultures are amazing. People do not call them ghettos nowadays. Burroughs and ethnic enclaves is the language now. When you visit, those neighborhoods have the best food and the owners will tell you things about the neighborhood and It’s flavors unique.}

The uniforms were still a trigger for Milan. Any uniform, especially brown ones would rush into him and cause the fear and anger. Today we call it many names, PTSD, trauma reactions.

Milan (by the way, pronounced as Melan) was living in a big city neighborhood and stood out with an usual first and last name. I just remember him by his first name. He lived down the block and over.

I am a rather odd person and so was he. There was something that was understood between us and we shared stories when we met at the local candy store. The store was directly across the street from the elementary school. Location, location, location the Realtor’s always say.

I was a three musketeers guy and Milan liked the crunchy ones like Butterfingers. I was the only kid that pronounced his name correctly and he never made fun of my unusual name,

We were never close friends, but we did rely on each other on the playground and walking home. There were the usual idiot bully types and name callers. Milan was good to be around as he knew protection.

We had a little revenge on a few of them. Milan knew how to do those things too. We tied open wire trash cans in alleys with the wire connecting two of them strung across the alley. Lighting them on fire when we knew one of the families parents were coming home Then we ran. It made quite a racket and the cars were worse for wear.

I learned a French word, Sabotage. Old country stuff from Milan’s wartime experiences. He was pretty stealthy but we eventually got caught. I was beaten in our basement by my father. He used a dowel rod on my backside. Milan never talked about those things. Neither did I.

We were ‘different.’ We both were. I shared my three musketeer bar and developed a taste for the butterfingers bar. Back I those days, my candy bar came with two grooves and was split in three ways, I haven’t had one since those days. Probably the bar is so small now that it would take three of them. I still like butterfingers. (Read ‘ Santa Fe Super Chief ‘ at my web site for a butterfingers redoux)

The last time I saw Milan was on a winter day, walking to school. I was wearing my boy scout uniform and he became someone else as he pushed me into the snow and washed my face in it. His face was twisted in rage and it was beyond scary.

I had all my merit badges on a sash and his mind was instantly back in Croatia. The snow was cold and icy and we did not shake hands and make up. He didn’t even know it had happened.

Brown Hitler youth was the trigger from his childhood. It got between us and I never saw him again on my way to and from Grade school. Decades later, I tried looking him up but there was no trace. A brown boy scout uniform destroyed our friendship.

I made it to star scout and all my pals were eagle scouts. My dad was a scoutmaster for a while and wasn’t until I was much older I began to understand what had happened. During my war experiences I developed some ‘triggers’ too and if I ever meet Milan again, things would be very different. I miss him.

Jack Gator, Scribe

Featured

A Tap on the Shoulder.

/ Norman Eric Peterson / Leave a comment

It was always gentle, the touch, almost as though the touch was a memory. At the first time I was surprised, astonished, and did not know who was touching me. I turned and did not know what to say. There was no one there but I knew I was to be never the same. Years upon years passed.

The story of the spoken words, five words with the touch. A healing touch and my life changed. Another five words decades later. A confirming and a beginning of knowledge and my life was now further to destiny. The fire within fanned into flame to show where the small fire had begun to glow.

I was running at the start, always running away from the pain that would not leave. All my life that pain and absence of love was the matrix of my heart. No one would ever get in again, it was too obvious that no one really cared. It was taken for truth that I was beyond all love. Trust was only a word about banking somehow or contracts for an exchange of some kind. I was abused as a child, running away only to find gangs and international smuggling with the usual weapons and anger. Run, they will torture you or kill you. Run and hide once again. Be wary and keep close watch on your heart.

There was a betrayal of an effort of love, love lost and cast away as a raft on the ocean far from land. No compass nor sextant nor even a chart to show what was ahead. Just adrift and always in the middle of the ocean once my land went beyond the horizon. No hope and only death to look ahead to. It was what I put away in a lock box in my heart, thinking out of sight, out of mind. That box was transparent. Most saw in it through my eyes. I knew it was safe in there.

So, adrift in the ocean of pity, I did not know what path I was on but I knew something was happening to me. Getting fed something good and drinking clear good water. No idea where these things were coming from. After all, adrift on an ocean does not include drinkable water. Even tears are salty.

Finally a meeting was available to see the one true love that betrayed me. She was in a bad way, in a hospital of recovery from her own trauma. Drugs used to dull the pain, like a path I also chose before five words began the small fire in my heart and saved me from a bad end. “Life or death, Choose now” Words spoken audibly in an empty room as I was staring at a line of heroin. Obviously life was chosen. The addiction was gone and there was no withdrawal. A miracle that took decades to see who said those five words. Our Lord Jesus. There was something ahead for my life, indeed there is.

Bluffing my way into the hospital as a youth minister working with her father who was the senior pastor at Central Lutheran, I managed to see my lost beloved before me. She was in a haze of recuperative drugs as she sat up on the bed in her room, clothed in hospital scrubs. Dazed, confused and finally focusing on the one she betrayed and had discarded the love we had. She had moved away with a Guthrie actor and hid her engagement ring. Now Right in this moment, I knew this time was different. Only the tenderness for her was in my heart. I again chose life.

She awakened and recognized me and asked; “Why are you here?” Without hesitation, I spoke the words of healing for her too. “Because I love you!” I Said loudly surprising them both and then I left soon thereafter.

I had showed her the wood camper I now lived in and had driven two thousand miles to see her. It was disappointingly impossible for us to see through the recessed windows of the locked area. The small fire in my heart was being fanned into flame. There were my habits still to overcome but the seed of love was beginning to grow within me and the marriage that came decades later to a wonderful woman was right and true. I never knew what happened to the girl I had loved in the hospital. Rumors from old friends then said she was now living in New Orleans.

I found her phone number and asked her to send me the engagement ring I gave her at Theodore Worth park just after discharge from the Navy in 1967. I had met her at the YMCA when I was playing guitar as a paid entertainer.

Sometimes the fear and trauma would return but my wife helped me and with a counselor that said those memories and fears of the past were just that. Eventually I realized there was no danger with betrayal, violence and guns of the past. A word or even a tone of voice was the trigger to be recognized as just a vapor of evil, trying once again to destroy my life with fear. It can happen to you.!

The burning one with fire in His eyes gives us the knowledge that we are, indeed, loved and worthy to tell others of this discovery within our hearts. My heart lock-box was opened and I have never been the same since. The flame of eternal love is burning bright with the Fire in the eyes of Christ. It’s pretty good.

Norman Peterson / Jack Gator scribe

Auto Biography of Norm Chapter 1

/ Norman Eric Peterson / Leave a comment

Sometime ago, in the last century, 1944, I was born in Minneapolis at Swedish Hospital. It was exactly two months after D Day in WWII. My parents were doing OK as they both worked and I was put in the care of my Grandparents. Out in a western suburb called Golden Valley. At that time, my father was working for the Minneapolis fire department, Station 16 in the near north side. My mother worked downtown for the Minneapolis school administration. Secure city jobs.

It worked for the family and besides, I had a sister that was four when I was born. She helped me grow up for five years. She always referred to me as her baby brother. It makes sense, it didn’t when I was in High school. Sis went to school for four years in a one room school, right on Golden Valley Road, a few miles away. No school buses then, they hadn’t been invented yet. There is no memory of how she got there. She cut across the Golden valley golf course. There were the usual stories of trudging through deep snow and cold to get to school and back. They were true.

Life out there in the valley was pretty bucolic, a big truck garden to joyfully weed by we kids. Dad and Grandpa smoked pipes and it wasn’t high quality Latakia tobacco either. Seemed an odd habit for firemen. Their nicknames at that time was smoke eaters. Scott air Pacs were not yet invented, Many times the phone would ring from the hospital telling us that Dad was in for smoke inhalation.

I had a neighbor friend, Freddy, and he lived right across the fence line at the southwest corner. I exploited Freddie’s friendship, I can remember him still with the super electric train set in his basement. it was an American Flyer with two rails instead of those Lionel trains with three. Hours we would spend down there. I also remember the electric smells of the small transformer that powered that train. Now and then there would be little sparks as the engine crossed a switch. I yearned for a model train for most of my childhood. As an old man, I wonder what or where he wound up. Freddie Hill. Do we all do this?

I never got Freddie to help weed the big garden but he did join us on the ‘rock boat’ But I never really knew him. Maybe that happens more often than we realize. It worked as he was just as bored as I was. No climbing trees, no forts, It wasn’t rural, it was very early suburban. Golden valley road and Winnetka Avenue. I think briefly of driving past that intersection. Nostalgia that is better left as is. Too many times all of us go back around to those places.

We did go fishing in Bassets creek though. It was right across the road from the big fancy Golden Valley golf course. The creek was fairly narrow but to us, it was a mysterious river. Adventure unknown. Bogart gets an early start in river life. Wind in the Willows with Rat and Toad. I had the impression for quite my life that I was Toad. Adventuresome, arrogant and oblivious to other people’s needs. I was always intrigued by motorcycles and vehicles that make noise. Just like Toad.

When I was barely a teenager, I had enough paper route money to buy a motorcycle! We put it in Grandpas garage he permitted me to ride it around his property. When they were on vacation, I crawled in that garage and took that Indian Chief out for a spin down highway 100. It was bright red and I sure wish I had it now! Toad gets a noisy machine!

I had to sell it of course, everyone in the neighborhood saw me riding it. I was allowed to buy a Cushman Eagle scooter soon after. A downgrade with two speeds and a large lawnmower engine. It would slip the clutch to make it sound like it had gears instead of V belts. I was so focused on self image and wanted to be just like those glossy ads in the magazines for Harley Davidson. The Harley flathead came later during my senior high school days.

In the creek down the hill, I got a hold of a fish that was so big, I couldn’t raise it from the water. No one else believed the story but I still remember it. Maybe it was a big Sturgeon! A nasty catfish or bullhead?

Looking back at it, I suddenly realize that it’s not the catching that is important. Its being a part of the fish and the water having business together. a. We just get to go along with for a brief time as they do business with us too. Lasting and poetic things they are. Catch the spirit and never release it for life.

That fish got away… Almost catch and release of a yet to come tradition. The Holy Spirit now resides in me decades later. I asked Him in and that’s pretty good. Once you are caught, there is no release. Just Joy and understanding are always with you.

The golf course was a good place to slip into (before the six foot chain link fencing) and golf balls abounded in the creek. Pretty good, easy money for myself and Sis. It was a water hazard and the golfers were very grateful for them. These days they would most be detained and arrested. Different times, in the last half of the twentieth century. Now a days children are forbidden to set foot there. Too much fear but then it results in isolation from fascinated children. A tall chain link fence goes all the way around, even in Basset’s creek! Golf ball concussions not available creek side.

.

When I got old enough to go to the one room school with my sister, we had to move! It was because a neighbor took offense at them and turned my Dad in for being a city employee that did not live in the city.

Grandpa, a fire chief, had more seniority and was close to retirement, so he got to stay there. He was a cabinetmaker and also made stuff in his basement for the Shriner’s. I remember the huge scimitar with lights all around the perimeter that he made. They still use it for the Shrine Circus. They hang it from the top of the stage curtain. “That was made by my Grandfather!” It gave me bragging points when I would go to that circus in downtown Minneapolis.

Grandma was a tough old Norwegian that made the best deep fried doughnut holes on the planet. She loved her grandson and I loved her too. She was an orphan from the Superior orphan train, but I never did hear how she and Grandpa met. He was lonely and picked her up at the depot on the spot. A variation of Anne of Green Gables. A lot of family history is just gone. It was down in the Baldwin Wisconsin area that the two of them lived on the Punde farm.

So there in our new home, a stucco and brick house in North Minneapolis at 4208 Russell Avenue and it was time for me to go to kindergarten. It was only five blocks away so I walked. It was OK. Now I have bragging rights of walking through the snow to school.! We would always walk on top of the mounds of snow between the sidewalk and the curb. I enjoyed the time alone and got to eat my lunch at home alone with the TV on the linoleum counter. It was tuned to ‘Lunch with Casey’ A guy with a railroad engineer outfit and a sidekick named Roundhouse Rodney, our family was rich. We had two TV’s with rabbit ears too! A glass of milk, an Apple with a PBJ sandwich and a hostess twinkie for dessert looking up at the TV. A functioning Asperger child in his preferred element. I still like eating alone at times.

Often I would sneak into my sisters room and play Beethoven on the upright piano. She did not like me going in there alone. She really didn’t like me at all. After all, she had to raise me up and do all the baby stuff while mom was working when we lived in Golden Valley. (to be continued)

It’s pretty good. Jack Gator Scribe

a. George McDonald

Three Pounds Pressure

/ Norman Eric Peterson / Leave a comment

The shop was our sole source of income and it worked for us. Several sources of heat to keep it going in the below zero temps were used. Wood heat at first, a primitive waste oil burner that poured oil all over the floor when I forgot the drip feed at night and the oil covered the floor. One overworked shop vac and a lot of squeegee work cleaned it up. The shop vac needed to be tossed but at least the shop was safe.

Another waste oil furnace, mounted up high worked for years until it wore out and the expense to replace it with another one of the same company was unreasonable. It had ‘issues’ that would not be fixed by the supplier.

Back to wood heat and recently, a pellet stove that kept the shop warm enough to protect the well pressure tank and pipes. We had a much newer waste oil furnace hanging up there that refused to run.

It was an exhausting week. Our shop was cold and the weather was closing in with single digit temperatures close to thanksgiving. My son, Soren was spending hours, days, working on the shop furnace. Up high on the Little Giant ladder, propped up near the burner module on the waste oil burner. We have hanging from the ceiling in our small automotive shop built decades ago. New parts, a total rebuild of the oil module and ignition, cleaning the cabinet. As the saying goes, the whole nine yards. No joy and it was going to be in the single digits in another day at night.

We all prayed for wisdom and help from our Lord Jesus to solve this problem. The next day

I had a vivid dream and in it I saw the furnace pressure gauge steady at three pounds and the furnace running. The manufacturer’s representative talked with us on the phone and there were a few tests but to no avail.

Soren took the burner module out for the third time and examined a very small inserted nozzle below the main nozzle. It resembled a very small deburring tool with slits. It had a few clogs from carbon blocking the heated air and oil. Just a few. He removed the entire oil distribution block and with new brushes and the wash tank gave it one more try.

It began to fire and swapping oil supplies didn’t change things but after bleeding air out of the lines and resetting many times, it began to work, and work well. Steady heat and the pressure was perfect at three pounds and after tweaking the air pressure, it was done. Perfect flame from the view port seen from below and after gaining shop temperature, restarted with no hesitation and ran all night with no lock outs and when I went out this morning, it was still perfect.

Steady and warm and exactly at three pounds pressure. The gauge in my dream was the same only in the dream it was in perfect focus. This picture was as good as my cell phone can get from the shop floor this morning. A quarter way up the gauge face which is exactly three pounds pressure.

With much Thanksgiving this morning before the family feast and an unbelievable sense of peace I awakened to walk to the shop and take that photo so I would write this column.

He is good. Once again before us and beside us and all around us. Within us. He is for us and I was blessed with the comfort he gave me in that dream. It will be OK and this is what it will be soon. Strength and endurance given and the cleanup began last night and we put things away and got a good start on all the drips and drops of waste oil on the floor. The light brown shop ‘floor dry’ works best and you can scrub the oil spots with your boots. Broom it up and it looks good. This time we had to just do it till the bag was near empty. Also, this time the boot scraping was more of a dance and there was internal joy and remembered music too.

I give you dear reader the encouragement of His goodness and promise in these little things that are not world shaking, but were for us. The timing was perfect and the work was hard, messy and seemed endless to no avail. Why? “Please Lord, show us how!”

Indeed, this morning is November 28th and we are thankful for the two deer that Soren and Julie got early this week. A healthy and tired family and our older son and his wife will be here soon to prepare the feast and heart felt thanks for all things. I can smell the turkey and the mince pies cooking and it’s pretty good, Jack Gator Scribe for the Peterson family

Lobbyist In Oz

/ Norman Eric Peterson / Leave a comment

And there he was for Dorothy to discover, the man behind the curtain. Pay no attention to him but how could she ignore the blustering sounds? The thundering and loud voice, sending out many thousands of oversize postcards that were so slick that other mail slipped over it. Going to the mailbox for real information was difficult as the lobbyist’s large glossy mailings were in the way. She saw her attention was drawn to the fearful words written in Red or Blue.

She felt she was dreaming when the source of confusion and fear came into view. Pay no attention indeed. As though she can pay no attention to the wind.

There was a battle going on for Oz and it was hard to tell friend from foe.

She met new friends and they were very odd and in many ways, just like her. There was a tough guy that she knew had no heart for the battle and the thunder coming from the Lobbyist. He was very shiny but weak as tin foil.

There was a very peaceful man that also appeared tough in a softer way but confessed he had no courage for battle of any kind. He appeared to be a huge orange cat and roared instead of purring. He was very furry and gentle.

The third one was very odd and actually was trying to be scary! A scarecrow that stood among them all and waved arms of straw and obviously had no brains whatever. The scarecrow made no sense but kept up the behavior nonetheless. The scarecrow seemed friendly enough and had a big smile and with lot’s of laughter but was hard to understand as it kept repeating words. It said a lot of unkind things about Oz and everyone who lived there too.

As Wallace and his dog would say, “no use prevaricating about it” The lion was very tired of the scarecrow and all the lobbying that ‘shouted’ to listen to the laughter. He had enough, and found enough courage to tell the scarecrow to stop waving arms and laughing at him. He pushed back and the scarecrow toppled over rather quickly.

Astonished, the Tin foil man and the huge cat looked where the scarecrow had stood and there was nothing left but what appeared to be blue pants and a blue suit coat with the straw whispering around it. The straw blew away and the gust of wind that brought Dorothy to Oz now awakened her when her red slippers fell and made a loud sound when they came together next to her bed.

It was quite a dream and somehow, she felt it was also a part of her life. Things have never been the same since. It’s pretty good. Jack Gator Scribe Esq.

Bullfighter

/ Norman Eric Peterson / Leave a comment

A saying I attribute to Sitting Bull. He spoke of the two wolves inside of us as well. I wondered about this wisdom this morning and ran across more wisdom from Michelle O’Rourke. The little bulls are the battle we have with the little deaths we all must experience in our lives.

The loss’ of physical strength or stability in using what I have left. The bull of my early times swinging spike malls and 16 pound sledge hammers. I agonize over that when I should just join that death with me being the matador and the bull, joined with that blade.

We all have them, those little bulls we embrace. The world inside that speaks failure and personal weakness or loss as the source. To rise up from the sand and brandish the blade and put that snorting thought to death. There are also the worlds many wolves that linger, just beyond the glow of our inner campfire. Eyes lit and eager to pounce upon our sense of worth and trample the fire.

That indeed is the leader of the wolf pack, sense of worth destroyer. I think I am worthless because of changes that come to us all. Physical strength, provision fears. What will become of me when those around me see this?

We indeed do change as we approach death. In old age or in disease or accident. All of us.

My favorite quote from Woody Allen: “I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens” Why do I cling so hard to my little bulls when I know they must die with me as everyone knows. Playing games within that Jesus will return and I will just be caught up with Him. Maybe I am akin to Enoch and will just ‘leave’ (after a long life) or Elijah who ascends in a flamed out custom chariot with really fancy custom wheels.

Better to listen to our God with his Mighty hand and outstretched arm that delivers time after time and tells me how much He loves me and will never leave me. Loves me the way only He does.

Many times He has shown me my true worth. Small things that are even bigger than the wolves that whisper and howl. He says, “Go here and talk to someone I will show to you” A purpose and all I have got within me. The reason I have had things happen that I can’t explain as excellent and good. My life unfolding with a mystery of loss and gain. Not embracing my mind and the abilities that I have been given as my very own brilliance and creation.

Indeed, the blade must go deep and true to put to death all those thoughts of self importance.

Listen to the creator of all things brilliant. He will give you all the encouragement and worth you ever have needed. He will turn your losses, your grief, and sadness into joy as you dance in the light of His light. Sit at His campfire and the wolfs of the world will not dare approach. It’s pretty good. Jack Gator

Old and Useless

/ Norman Eric Peterson / Leave a comment

Not very long ago I was meeting some new people and was introduced to their family. I looked upon one of their children and he said to me “ You’re Old” I agreed and was nonplussed at the child’s observations and his immediate truth telling. Yes, I agreed, I am at least 8 times older than you. I felt a little sting. Aren’t we supposed to say afterwards: Wow you look great! I never would have guessed that you are that old.

I’ve said to several people and meant it too. I’m doing pretty good as my scribe puts it. Very active physically but there are deterioration’s that come with age. The saying is with age comes wisdom! Sometimes.

I can get a bit cranky without any knowledge of the segue to judgment. Usually these days when I am driving and get passed by a roaring vehicle on the double yellow only to have to slow down a half mile ahead as they turn left. Thinking quickly that I am commanded not to call anyone a fool, I use a Russian word and of course, the Lord does not speak Russian.

I indeed am old and gnarly but I have a nice smile. Shoppers at the big box smile back when they see me. Why am I not as blocked or mission focused as others are? They roar by me too, only to turn one aisle ahead and stop with another cart parked in front of them. I just shake my head briefly and cruise by as I look upon the crowded aisle of indigestible instant meals in boxes. I like Ramen but it’s not in that aisle. Betty Crocker meets the Roadrunner on aisle 5.

A piece of wisdom comes to mind from a Chinese story from approximately 2400 years ago. Looking upon a very old and twisted tree and relaxing in its shade were a young man and an older one. The older man said the reason the tree was there for them was it was useless for lumber and so left to grow old and large and give us comfort from the sun. Useful indeed.

The stumps around it testified to many chairs and tables There were no benches there. It indeed had grown well and it was very old. I like that story as gnarly as I am, I indeed am not useless either. You are now reading the wisdom I have read from before Christ our Savior. He does not consider me useless and neither does he consider you useless either. The vehicles that pass me on the highway are just eager people on the highway of Holiness. Perhaps they are eager to meet our Creator and lover. I must embrace that wisdom and I will smile and bless them. I’m getting better! It’s pretty good. Jack Gator Scribe.

Many thanks to Chuang Tzu amd Henri Nouwen.

Neither Despair Nor Optimism

/ Norman Eric Peterson / Leave a comment

Upon reading the title of this column, it can be confusing. The description of despair is more or less easy to understand. When confronted with the world we are now in, it seems rather hopeless and we lament there is really nothing we can do about it.

Optimism counters that hopeless feeling that there is a relief on the horizon. Believing perhaps in a coming regime change there will be change that is beneficial to us. The banner of someone that promises what we long for, whatever our personal belief is in a better world. For us.

The despair of course knowing that this will not happen and that things will not go as we expect. Optimism takes a hold and we feel that if we just sit tight, everything will work out OK.

Much akin to Pollyanna thoughts. Don’t worry, be happy as a popular song we have heard.

Nothing to be done, or it will be alright in the end. I find it an odd conundrum as both attitudes are in conflict with the faith I embrace. Most certainly, my life and the life of my family is pretty good as my scribe, the gator always says. It is. We have a lovely place to live and many good friends and the ability to move about and enjoy the fruits of our labor. Literally as the garden and labor provides food and repair of things that do break down.

We know, all the way back to the Diache and the Westminister confession, that there is a real solution and a way to deal with our world. A fallen world and one with joy and sorrow. Oppression and helpfulness. A world that has been promised by our Creator that is not our home but a place of formation and life. Not prosperity nor futility experienced with either optimism nor despair but with the answer for everything. Hope.

Hope indeed that can be expressed by us with belief that there is indeed a home for us that will be fulfilling and joyful. All life ends in death and yet the promise we sing in our faith filled rooms with our brothers and sisters is the one answer. Faith.

Through the ages before us, our shinning light has been the incarnation of faith itself. The impossible visit by the Creator of everything that was and will be. He told us centuries ago that our world would indeed be filled with both sorrow and joy. He experienced both things when, hard to believe, impossible for some, He walked among us and taught again and again those things. Do not despair and wallow in fear, do not sit tight and think it will all work out.

Walk as I walk He said, follow me to true life and become children of God. This is the answer to all things. Hope which is Grace which leads to Faith, the very gift of God. It’s pretty good. Jack Gator scribe.

with thanks to Carl R. Truman ‘Strange new world‘