It seems obvious on the surface of my mind. I am the sum of parts of my experiences. What is that calculations sum? It is an operating system that has ‘evolved’ over the years. That seems to be the ticket! All those bad things that happened in my childhood, the ones I have written about. The grade school and high school disappointments and abuse. Then the list gets longer and longer and somehow it seems that the hard stuff dominates.

As I drive a familiar route to town, I note that place and this house where offense originated and the old righteousness and desire for judgment and justification rises like that stuff in our septic tank. It smells badly and it seems like the sweet smell of revenge and anger to someone that deserves it. The hard parts are true. It did happen and we were wounded and insulted and sullied perhaps. It was wrong and we deserve justice.

Is that where I want my thoughts to stay today and tomorrow? Does anyone understand me because of these things? Of course they do and they cannot wait to tell you the same story. Over and over again. Everyone.

That’s not who we are, we are a new creation. We were made to be an image of our creator. We have gone astray and Just like our first ancestor, Adam, we go our own way. After all, our Lord told Adam and Eve if they ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they would die. Well, they walked out of the garden, obviously still alive but were they? What died then? Their identity. Not the image of God. Some folks think that means God looks and acts just like us then except with bigger feet and hands. That’s not what was meant or written. He wants to walk with us. Give love away and laugh all the way to the 1^st bank of eternal romance. Now Adam and his wife, Eve had to have an identity they created. Anger, frustration, loss, betrayal. The usual we use too. It seems our self identities we create are mostly “you don’t know the hell I’ve been through!” type. Of course that doesn’t work well because everyone has been there.

We were created to love Him and the people He made too. Now we create ourselves to ask the worst questions of each other. Do you love me? That is a question of want and need and our fear that we will be discovered as a deceiver. Hunger for approval, not love. Can you recollect another relative that is such? Go way back to the beginning. Did God really say?

A great speaker started me on this path of life and it is only recently I have understood what is the difference between darkness and light. My wounds and the constant unwrapping of the bandages to show them is indeed just an absence of light. My new way is to heal and show the light of Christ. Put off the old and put on the new. Show your light before men. Awaken and find yourself as a new creation. Able to move through the world, overcome with joy and spreading it about as a young girl throws flowers at a wedding before the bride and grooms path.

“When is the Messiah coming? Why don’t you ask Him yourself? He is outside the city gate healing people.” 1. He tells us to listen to Him and He will create a new man within and you will laugh and begin to hear His voice when He tells you to show other people these things. A sign of a wonder as joy replaces sorrow and loss we have embraced as long as we have been alive. “Tell me once again, I need to know you’ll never leave me, when my world grows dark. Take me in your arms and love me like the way you do” 2. It’s pretty good. Jack Gator

1. Father Anthony 4^th century desert father 2. Jon Thurlow Special thanks to Dan Mohler for inspiration