It was early afternoon, it was below zero and Jack was headed down to the wood shed with the empty wheelbarrow for yet another load of ‘all nighters’ if he could find some among the rank.
Suddenly, Jack felt Hispresence again. Unexpected, not a result of praying or listening or reading particularly. Jack thought just for a moment something was going to happen to him, perhaps unpleasant and God was about ready to soften the event with a bit of a heads up. Jack really thought it was the end perhaps. Jack began silently singing cornerstone where I am firm with no scheme of man could pluck me from His hand. Gator was shaky but ready Lord. Very clearly Jesus asked: “Who is condemning you?”
He just began talking to Jack and showing clearly that the anger and fear were totally his own doing. Simply put to Jack that he did not have to condemn himself for his failures with relationship. With All the family. All of them along with close friends
“Listen, ask questions and above all, don’t retreat into yourself feeling once again everyone, is pointing their finger at you” They love you, I love you, I love how you write about me. Reveal your heart as I am teaching you to do so in your writing. Now it is time to open that door you have been longing to have swing open. Let them in so you can really see them the way I do!” 1.
I am worthy! they are worthy! The only one who can do any condemnation is me! Why do I do that?
An old habit, decision, who knows. Jack’s life has been filled with decisions made to protect himself from the world and in doing so, the glass door that leads into his heart has the sign ‘Closed’ visible from out side. Protection that Jack thought he needed. Not needed now. Open heart indeed! Many betrayals is the worst feeling of all. “How can I make this right?” this is the way to begin. Ask a good, heartfelt question.
Betrayed or the betrayer. To be dealt with in a similar fashion. Pursuing rectitude in all directions. The really hard stuff we know is our lot in the world. Always lurking around corners for all of us. The sudden intake of breath and the surprise heartbeat increase. Realization of a boatload of bad decisions and coming to a conclusion that there is no end to it and nothing that can be done about it. Beyond depressing. Your last meal of love already finished and all that needs doing is a little washing up. Stack the cups of anger and defeat so they can be used once more. Open the cupboard of your heart once again that is stacked with these cups of wrath.
“Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen” 2. The blues from the one who knew these things.
Upon finishing up the wood stacking on the porch, Jack came inside and Mrs. Gator handed Jack a short post on Valentines day with a beautiful healing message on healing the fear of rejection. It had come into her computer in-box when Jack was out, doing the wood and being waylaid by the Lord. Jack was ready for that. Perhaps the first time in his life. Eager to learn, eager to heal and be healed. It’s pretty good.
1. Chief Cornerstone 2. Louis Armstrong